Sunday, September 13, 2009

Samuel Richard Moore: Words of Wisdom


After reading my brother Richard's blog post this morning, I thought it'd be nice to catalog some of my nephew Sam's recent ruminations for the sake of posterity. I'm sure this blog will stand the test of time long enough for our great-great children to study it. And, seeing that it's Sunday, it's befitting that most of Sam's wacko comments have been pertaining to Jesus lately. I blame...scratch that, I credit his Protestant Alabama preschool:

Jesus loves you even when you eat too much candy and throw up. Now, to be fair, Sam has firsthand experience with this topic, because he actually did go past his full capacity on the candy buffet at the wedding in Seattle, thus inducing a vomitfest. Who KNOWS, Sam was feeling pretty miserable after that happened, so maybe Jesus did show up to show him some love.

Sometimes Jesus flies to us when we're sad. I think we can all see where he got this idea. To be honest, I still think that maybe Jesus flies. Or something.

Jesus will catch the frisbee!!!! This one also makes some sense, because anything thrown into the sky could reasonably be intercepted by the Flying Jesus instead of plummeting to its gravitational fate.

Jesus even loves girls sometimes. Not touching this one with a ten foot pole.

WE ALL NEED TO GET BAPTIZED SO JESUS WON'T LEAVE US! This was shouted in the midst of a crowd of people gathered in the kitchen at our Memphis reception. Maybe Sam was just bored. Maybe he was soapboxing. I prefer to think he was possessed by the Holy Spirit.

And my personal favorite/the most controversial bit of revelation: Hannah! Don't say 'hate'! Or Jesus will kill you!

Sambaby, I love you. And I secretly hope you resist every piece of knowledge that your parents try to impart to you.

Please don't grow up and get smart, little boy. That would be unfortunate for everyone!

3 comments:

  1. I was laughing so hard that I could barely read these out loud to Jason.

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  2. Oh, I forgot about the Frisbee-catching Jesus! He needs a cape!

    I liked your post so much I linked it to my own. Laughed 'till I peed.

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  3. The problem with comments only being made visible after approval is that I can't ever remember if I commented or not. which shows a severe lack of memory, or memorable comments, or perhaps both.

    Did I already comment on the frisbee Jesus? or was I just really, really thinking about doing it? Either way, I got another good laugh out of re-reading sammy doctrine.

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