Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Newlyweds: Act 1: A Husband's Burden

(Sloan comes home after a day at school)
Sloan: Baby! Where are you?
Julia: I'm in here.
Sloan: Why are you in bed? It's 5:30 in the afternoon.
Julia: I'm just, I dunno. I'm just sitting here.
Sloan: And...your hair is wet?
Julia: I took a bath. I ate a Snickers in the bathtub.
Sloan: Oh. That's...good.
Sloan: So, what are you doing?
Julia: Just thinking about how ugly I am and how I suck at wife things like decorating and cooking. I never even wear an apron.
Sloan: Ahhhh. Here we go. Climbs into bed, sighing.
Julia: And I'm not even passionate enough to be one of those women who willfully sucks at wife duties because they think it's liberating and/or quirky, I'm just not that good at it. OH and I feel fat. I mean, I ate a Snickers in the bathtub!!! That's something Anna Nicole Smith would do! And people on the internet have such cool looking houses but I can't get ours to look like that and OW STOP CUDDLING WITH ME YOUR STUBBLE IS SCRATCHY!!
Sloan: Okay, okay sorry. It sounds like you've had a rough day...are you hungry?
Julia: No. I ate a chili dog. I'm disgusting. A CHILI DOG. SERIOUSLY?
Sloan: Baby. Chili dogs are good! And you're just so pretty and I just think you're great at everything. I...just love you.
Julia: Even when I don't do the wife thing right but you always do the husband thing right?
Sloan: I feel like this is a trap.
Sloan: I think maybe you think you're sneakier than you really are. Just so you know.


  1. i really would like to see you two having conversations like this in person.

    it would just make my day.

  2. haha...Jason and I have had familiar conversations MANY a time.

  3. Hahaha I love reading about your guys' relationship. I totally feel the same way. I'm always asking Brad why he's even bothering to marry me, I'm so sucky at everything, and he does much the same thing. Though I don't know if he's savvy enough yet to realize that that was a trap.

    Embrace your Anna Nicole Smith. We all have one inside of us.

  4. hahahahaha!

    oh girl, i can not even begin...because THE DAY JULIA MOORE THINKS SHE IS LAME IS THE DAY THAT SHOULD NOT EVER HAPPEN EVER EVER. i put a lot of effort into being jealous of how AWESOME you are, so please don't make me look like a fool.

    I have a solution to all your problems. go eat ice cream in the bathtub. invite your husband.