Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Sloaneroni

My friend Stace posted a blog entry a while back about her husband. She listed 100(!) things about him, and since I don't know Jared well, I read all of them intently. She spoke about him so tenderly, and she listed really interesting things.
I usually don't write really adorable/mushy things on my blog because EVERYONE does that (and duh I am unique). But, lately, in my pursuit of appearing super cool and over it, I've unintentionally started re-programming my brain. Now (more than ever) my first instinct is to generate a biting response to anything I hear or read. And while it usually ends up being totally the most awesome comment FTW, it's made me more pessimistic and, not to mention, much more self-conscious.
For example, I tend to get all worked up about people who brag on Facebook or who are too mushy about their loved ones. To me, it hints at a narcissism that has been purveyed by cyber communication. But when I think about it on a more basic level, it makes less sense: Why should I feel such disdain for people expressing their excitement or happiness? So what if they write/talk about something boring or not applicable to me, does that make them narcissistic? Sadly, the very nature of that question means that I'm the more narcissistic one. Zoinks!
I'm going to make a list of 40 things about Sloan (baby steps) AND I'M GONNA BE NICE and only minimally sarcastic. We are very sweet to each other when alone, but this is an exercise in humility for my internet side. And, if that doesn't really work out, it could also be another great way to start an argument with him (I always open the door when opportunity knocks).
40 Things about the Great Sloan Rehder
1. He is manly. Did you know that?
2. Sloan has been a ski instructor at Sundance for the past 2 seasons.
3. He really likes chemistry, and is really good at it.
4. His toes are freakishly long. His second toe is as long as my ring finger. Gross, yes. But he has amazing balance.
5. Sloan loves steak. LIKE I SAID, MANLY.
6. He likes anime like Full Metal Alchemist.
7. Sloan makes our bed almost every day.
8. If I break something, he can always fix it.
9. He's tall enough to change all of our light bulbs without even getting on his tip toes.
10. I tend to have bad dreams, and they make me toss and turn. Sloan will wake me up in the middle of the night to calm me down and scratch my back until I fall asleep again.
11. He was a quarterback in high school.
12. Sloan is a fearless snow driver and takes his rear-wheel drive Jeep up the canyon to Sundance like I would imagine a senile, lead-footed grandma would. Never a wreck, though.
13. He is not a whiner. Like, ever.
14. Sloan is incredibly coordinated. He learns any physical task quickly.
15. Because his arms are so long, Sloan always somehow looks like he's moving in slow motion when playing sports, but he ends up the fastest.
16. He loves baths as much as I do. We fight over the tub sometimes.
17. Sloan is incredibly considerate (which I think he learned from his parents), but is quiet about it because he hates the attention.
18. He loves pork and beans. And bacon. And cheese. And bread. All together.
19. Sloan hardly ever tells anyone that he's fluent in Spanish from his mission in Uruguay. This means that he hears a lot of things he maybe shouldn't.
20. He is allergic to citrus. And penicillin.
21. He is a grilling master. DUH MANLY.
22. Sloan looks exactly like his two older brothers. Sometimes it's problematic.
23. He loves Lady Gaga. Bahahahahaha.
24. He likes to abbreviate things just to annoy me when I can't figure out what he's saying. His most recent was "GOI, baby." (Get over it)
25. Sloan is immensely stranger than anyone knows, because he only does truly bizarre things when we're alone.
26. He is really good with kids and doesn't even hold babies awkwardly.
27. Sloan is super easy to live with. He's not messy, but doesn't mind if I make a mess.
28. His previous jobs include: trash man (in high school...which he liked), sold newspapers on the ferry to Seattle, Jiffy Lube guy, sold firewood, carpet cleaner, christmas light putter-upper, odds jobs for his dad's construction company.
29. He loves to golf and taught me.
30. Sloan can play pretty much every song on expert on Rock Band for the drums and guitar. Not the singing, though.
31. He loves 30 Rock.
32. Our trivia and crossword skills are equally-matched, making us terribly competitive.
33. He was born in Palmer, Alaska and lived in Wasilla until he was 7.
34. Sloan is a fabulous rock climber.
35. He always uses an alternate name for their family pets. He called their dog, whose name was Dude, Rocky; and their cat Artie was referred to as Toby by Sloan. This doesn't seem to phase his family, who know exactly who he is talking about.
36. Sloan plays the guitar, and he makes up really weird songs just to freak me out.
37. When Sloan was born, his older brother Darth wanted desperately to name him Toothpick Noonick. No one really knows why, not even Darth.
38. Every time we get in his car, Pink Floyd is playing.
39. Sloan was a typical boy growing up. All of the school assignments his mother kept were about WWF wrestling, meeting Jerry Rice, playing in the NBA, and blowing things up.
4o. In middle school, Sloan came up with a workout program for an assignment and he titled it "Sloan Rehder's Guide to Becoming a Beauty and a Beast in 28 Days."

3 comments:

  1. I am happy that I knew some of those. :)
    We call Dude....."Scooby Poo".

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  2. I really really like the sound of # 18! The idea of pork and beans and cheese and bread together sounds like heaven!! The question though is: Is it all slopped on the bread or is it a sandwich?

    I think that this list has put Slone on my "ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!!" list! I can wait for you guys to visit!! I think you should visit like now. I think you are wonderful Juju and I love you.
    and I was serious about the question and would like it answered.

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  3. Cheese-Beane-Bacon, Dude! (In England they call it "beans on toast", but they don't put the cheese or the bacon which makes all the difference.

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