Thursday, January 14, 2010

You Put Da Lime in...NOTHING

As most of you know (but probably continuously forget), Sloan is allergic to citrus. Lemons, limes, pineapple, oranges, etc. Can't handle the stuff. I think that everyone always forgets this Sloan factoid because most of prefer not to imagine a life without such sweet delights. His family forgets, friends, old mission companions, me...we all forget. I wonder if he even goes 48 hours without being offered something like orange juice by someone who has known him for at least 2 years. Poor guy. And (to me) the worst part is that he didn't develop this allergy until he was in college. He had 18 blissful years of lemonade, key lime pie, and grilled pineapple before he had to give it all up. But since it's been like 7 years since the allergy developed, every time Sloan smells that citric acid, he's on alert. He no longer likes the scent, naturally.
ANYWAY, being the not-so-sympathetic person I am, I buy and eat oranges by the crate. And I keep lemonade in the fridge. And he doesn't complain. Except when I get absent-minded about the whole situation.

The Scene: Dinner table.
Julia: Here's your drink baby.
Sloan: Thanks. Eh, honey? This is pink lemonade.
Julia: Yeah...
Julia: face palm

The Scene: Bed.
Sloan: Come here, doodle bear. I want a smooch.
Julia: Ahhhh, my little schnuggle monkey! puckers up
Sloan: Ew, what is that smell? sniff sniff Is that...your chap stick?
Julia: Yeah, I love this stuff. It's orange sherbet flavored...OH COME ON.

The Scene: Our living room.
Sloan: Julia, have you made anything in the past two weeks that's had lemon juice in it?
Julia: No...okay, maybe. Geez baby, isn't there some sort of rule that if you didn't catch it when you ate it, then it's no longer my fault?
Sloan: walks away

The Scene: Restaurant. I'm eating a garlic and lime shrimp dish. He has steak. Sloan leaves for the bathroom and I use my fork to steal some of his mashed potatoes. Sloan comes back.
Sloan: eating the potatoes Eh, did they put lime in this? I didn't notice it before...


  1. WOW. WOW. WOW. i can't imagine a life without citrus. i put lime on EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. i even put it on potato chips, pop corn, water... pretty much anything that i consume will have a little squeeze of lime.

    poor guy...

  2. Hahaha so funny. But I think the funniest part might have been the schnuggle monkey doodle something.

    And don't worry, maybe one day you, too, will receive a nasty anonymous letter from a reader and judger of your blog. It's something we should all aspire to.

  3. Allergies are a misery. It's nice to know Sloan's got such a caring and understanding person in his life. Maybe you could start offering Sam Reeses candy bars and buy a fluffy cat for me.