Thanks be to Wikipedia for the spelling, background, and pop cultural reference list.
Muumuu, I know you...intimately. Of Hawaiian descent, I know you are ancient. I know you are embraced by the pregnant and the obese because you "do not restrict the waist." I know that you are regularly sold in thrift stores and Family Dollar. I know you are my go-to while I vacuum, do the laundry, and eat salt and vinegar chips while watching Teen Mom. I know that with you, I will feel a draft.
I know that you have formed belligerent relationship with my husband BUT HE WILL NOT COME BETWEEN US, MUUMUU. Because you are my rock. You take me as I am, whether 115 lbs or 150 lbs. You, muumuu, take me as I am. And for this, I love you.