Let me start out by saying that my nursery children are adorable and generally well-behaved. I thoroughly enjoy their personalities and the inevitable cuteness that comes with interacting with babies in Sunday clothes. Most Sundays consist of giggles and a gentle, good time . However, there are some Sundays that I will call Yes,-We-Are-Cute-Babies,-But-We'd-Like-To-Respectfully-Remind-You-That-We-Are-Still-Babies-Sundays.
On YWACBBWLTRRTWASB Sundays, there is a deep and complex chasm between what we leaders tell the children and what they hear. Our simple instructions seem to be interpreted by the kids not as clear commands, but as lengthy, strategic plots to be carried out.
What We Say: Don't eat the Play-Doh!!
What They Hear: If you eat the Play-Doh, you will hate how it tastes and freak out when it gets stuck to the roof of your mouth. It will feel unpleasant, not only to have us shove our fingers in your mouth to fish it out, but also to attempt to expel the salty residue that will remain once the Play-Doh has been extracted. As undesirable as this sequence may seem , you will, however, get a personal trip to the water fountain and a package of fruit snacks if you do, indeed, eat the Play-Doh. Consider these factors carefully. Then, eat the Play-Doh.
What We Say: Don't take your shoes off.
What They Hear: Your shoes are uncomfortable and they make you trip and fall over a lot. They are difficult to unbuckle, but you can figure it out. Do not forget that you are only allowed to remove your shoes if you promptly hide them in places such as behind the toy cabinet, under the piano, or in the trash can.
What We Say: Be reverent while you're at church.
What They Hear: If you consistently act rambunctious for the first hour and a half, we will eventually break down and take you to the field outside. There, you can run and run until you can't run anymore. You won't do anything in particular; you will just run as hard as you can in a giant circle whilst shrieking with glee for half an hour. We will then carry your sweaty bodies back to the nursery room to wait for your parents to arrive.
What We Say: Walk, don't run, in the hallway at church. And fold your arms!
What They Hear: You may run in the church hallways, but only if you wrap your arms around your body in a self-hugging manner because your arms are not yet proportioned to actually fold. If you trip and begin to fall, DO NOT discontinue folding your arms, even if it means a devastating faceplant.
What We Say: Don't bang on the piano.
What They Hear: Fine. Whatever, just bang on the piano