Thursday, July 8, 2010

Big Heads: When bad things happen to good people

I figured out recently that my head is disproportionately large for my body. You'd be surprised at how hard this is to determine about your own body, the one you've looked at for twenty coughcough years. It's even harder when you have, ahem, wide-set shoulders.

I mean, sure there were some hints along the way that my head was large, like the fact that my graduation cap (biggest size) barely fit, even when I smoothed down my hair reeeeeal nice-like and burrowed my brow to somehow make it more compact. Or a friend's comment in high school: "I'm pretty sure you'd look weird if you lost weight because your head is already too big for your body." Or that time a small Asian girl in the mall pointed at me and yelped "SOOOO BEEG!!!!! BEEEEEG HEAD!" But, honestly, if you're not looking for it within yourself, you just won't see it. *sigh*

Now, at least, I know why people think I look taller than I am.
Other Person: You're only 5'2? I would have never guessed! You don't look that short!
Me: Well, it's actually because I have a large head, which throws off my proportions. My head is bigger than the heads of people who are even two feet taller than me, so it's deceiving. Like an optical illusion.
Other Person: *blank stare* Ahhhh. K. *stares at ground*

I won't lie and say I totally LUV MAH BIG HEAD and that it's a symbol that I'm a survivor or whatever...but I have come to terms with it. HOWEVER, don't think I can't rattle off a list of big-headed people...because, yeah, I notice. Miranda Cosgrove, for instance, has an ENORMOUS head.
I think she weighs like 70 lbs, but you would never guess it because her head is actually bigger than her waist. Whenever I see photos of Miranda Cosgrove, my brain just says DOES NOT COMPUTE and I have to lie down because it interrupts everything. That's pretty selfish of her.

ANYWAY WHAT WAS I SAYING? Oh yeah. Big noggin. I googled it. Apparently, the complexities of living your life as a someone who is, er, "big boned" only above the neck are deep, and virtually endless. Here are some questions/comments I found in forums discussing big heads.

Do you think people with big heads look weird in small or tight style shirts?

My head is gigantic, and someone told me it was because I'm an Aquarius. Is that true?

My girlfriend has a big head but a small face. I couldn't figure it out for a long time, but now that I have, it's honestly hard to look at her. 

I have a big head what paintball mask will comfortably fit me? I am so sick of dealing with this.
Im 14 years old and im always being teased about my big head. I have a realy big head and a body of a 9 year old everytime people call me names like bobble head boy etc. I realy need advice of how to make my head look smaller.
my cousin and i had the same size heads when we were younger. but now his is so much bigger than mine, and we're both the same size around 5'8. it makes him look really short and he's really depressed about it, any one know why?im not judging them. i love my cousin hes a really cool guy. but his head is really big. and he is completely depressed.
Yeah. That last one was kind of a downer. I don't feel like talking about this anymore.


  1. i never noticed. but i am sorry about that whole small asian girl pointing it out thing.

  2. Well mom was commenting today on how big Kenley's head is, but how it fits her anyway. I don't think your head looks big at all and if it is, its ok, cause it fits you. (My conversation with mom was really about how I get to push another large head out tomorrow).

  3. haha you crack me up. and ya, i never noticed. so it must not really be that true!

  4. Mike Myers has some words for you:

  5. how about putting up a picture so we can all oggle at your enormous head?

  6. haha! I've never thought of you having a big head before either! but Miranda Cosgrove's head does look pretty huge. What's better? a head that is too big for your body or a head that is too small? Mine is too small.

  7. You're lucky! I have a pin head and it looks terrible. Although I'm 5'2", my head is the size of someone whose only 4'8" tall. The worst part is that I'm already skinny, so losing weight won't help me look any more balanced.

  8. your writing is funny (humorous) :)

  9. Miranda is gorgeous. So maybe a big head is a good thing.