Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Ohhh DREEEEEAMWEAVERRRR

I am a vivid dreamer. Every night of sleep is an intense descent into the madness of my mind, and every morning is like a dream-hangover for me. I wake up in a cold sweat, have a headache, and am emotionally exhausted. I can remember every dream I have, and pretty much recall them for years after. This, of course, means I have plenty of recurring dreams, also. I hate it. I hate dreaming, it beats me up.
Why? WHY WHY all of the dreaming? Consulting Google, I can narrow things down to a few possibilities: 
  1. Menopause
  2. Taking too much vitamin B
  3. Being born during the rise of Neptune in Aquarius

My dreams have a few consistent themes:
  • BABY IN DISTRESS: The babies in these dreams are always different, but always cute. And the baby is always sad and looking at me during whatever stressful ordeal. Whether it is being dangled over balcony (I TOLD you! Stressful!!) or being held by a mother who is having a violent fight with her husband, that baby watches me with these teary eyes and extends its adorable, chubby hand in my direction. (I usually save it)
  • FEAST FIT FOR A KING: There is a lot of food, whether at a restaurant or at someone's house. And I am eating all of the food...eating and eating, and I'm all alone. I wake up feeling full because, well, I ate approximately 15 lbs of the food in my dream. I probably have an extensive eating dream about twice a week. 
  • FAAAAART: In my dream, I am inevitably in a situation where it is completely and unforgivably inappropriate to do something like this, like a funeral/giving a speech/at the side of my grandmother's deathbed. My stomach is aching and I don't know why. And it gets worse and worse until I rip a huge fart that I didn't even know was coming. It seems to echo and drown out any noises after, almost like I deafened myself with the intensity of my own fart.
Of course, I also have the typical "OMG I'm totally nakey!!" dreams, and I've also found that a lot of other women have the "Virgin Mary" dream where they are pregnant but have no idea how it happened. I get those covered in my naps, usually.

I don't know what I need to do to get all of my dreams to be just me sitting and watching tv or being tackled by a thousand golden retriever puppies, because honestly, that's about as surreal as I'd like to get.

2 comments:

  1. Oh man, that gave me a belly laugh. Have you looked up your dream interpretations?

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  2. I have crazy vivid dreams, too, but I can only mostly remember them. The most commonly recurring one is the "got called to be a missionary again and have to leave my family behind and it's really exciting at first but then I just end up lonely and sad"

    And from all the gnashing Richard does in his sleep, I'm pretty sure he has some out- of- this- world dreams, but, like everything else, he can't remember any of it.

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