Sunday, September 19, 2010

*sigh*

My little man is a strategist. He has the patience, the stoicism, and the mental distortion to really drive an effective offensive. For example, he utilizes the strategy of picking out a word that drives me crazy, then (not) subtly uses that word in as many situations as he can until either a.) I get used to it and stop flipping out, or b.) he wakes up to my forcefully holding a pillow over his face.

What's been the word of the month? Gullet.


Phase I: Deployment
Sloan: Let's go to Costco.
Julia: No, let's go to a restaurant.
Sloan: *driving toward Costco*
Julia: Come ON, we just went to Costco! Your system can't handle their bratwursts back to back!
Sloan: I NEED A HOT DOG IN MY GULLET, JULIA.
Julia: *stunned silence*

Phase II: Infiltration
Sloan: I got my fiber on.
Julia: You? What...?
Sloan: *slower, louder* I. Got. My. Fi-ber. On.
Julia: Whoa, Coolio, feeling pretty good about your dietary choices?
Sloan: *closes eyes* *to the tune of some medieval chant* I got my fiiber oooon. 
Julia: *ignores*
Sloan: It flowed down my gullet
Julia: *ignores*
Sloan: Into my stomach
Julia: Sloan, I swear--
Sloan: It was so goood to meeeee. *bows head* Aaaaaaamennnnn.
Julia: You are actually driving me in--
Sloan: Aaaaaaamennnnn.

Phase III: Victory
Julia: Did you like that lasagna?
Sloan: Yes, it felt so good to get that sweet ricotta down my gullet.
Julia: STOP IT.
Sloan: Stop what? Everyone dreams of ricotta flowing through their gullet!
Julia: YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE.
Sloan: I'm not the one yelling for no reason! Why can't you just slow your roll and be happy for me?
Julia: Fine.
Sloan: ...and my gullet.
Julia: *leaves room*

5 comments:

  1. Sloan...cracks me up.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    you do realize that, in a totally non-weird way, you married your brother. I mean, please, take out "sloan" and "julia" and insert our names. Am I right!?!?

    *sigh*

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  2. Well Sarah is right. Sloan = Richard. And that's why we love him so much.

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  3. we haven't been around Sloan a whole lot so this blog is really describing him. Sarah is so right.He is a LOT like Richard. it sure is good to have another son around when we get together. I was outnumbered there for a few years after Richard left. But the men shall rise again.

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  4. Next month's word comes from the same person-sliced-in-half diagram:

    sphincter

    Note that next month's word can also produce effective mental images when paired with "ricotta".

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  5. Hahahaha Brad does this to me, too, except it's usually a word that I use that he either a) doesn't know what it means or b) thinks is funny, and he carries it out much less strategically. Basically, he says it about a thousand times that same day. For example, when I was upset with him one day early on in our marriage I, in frustration, called him a freako, which Brad seized upon, used a million times to my annoyance, until it became adopted into our canon of weird pet names for each other.

    ReplyDelete