My little man is a strategist. He has the patience, the stoicism, and the mental distortion to really drive an effective offensive. For example, he utilizes the strategy of picking out a word that drives me crazy, then (not) subtly uses that word in as many situations as he can until either a.) I get used to it and stop flipping out, or b.) he wakes up to my forcefully holding a pillow over his face.
What's been the word of the month? Gullet.
Phase I: Deployment
Sloan: Let's go to Costco.
Julia: No, let's go to a restaurant.
Sloan: *driving toward Costco*
Julia: Come ON, we just went to Costco! Your system can't handle their bratwursts back to back!
Sloan: I NEED A HOT DOG IN MY GULLET, JULIA.
Julia: *stunned silence*
Phase II: Infiltration
Sloan: I got my fiber on.
Julia: You? What...?
Sloan: *slower, louder* I. Got. My. Fi-ber. On.
Julia: Whoa, Coolio, feeling pretty good about your dietary choices?
Sloan: *closes eyes* *to the tune of some medieval chant* I got my fiiber oooon.
Sloan: It flowed down my gullet
Sloan: Into my stomach
Julia: Sloan, I swear--
Sloan: It was so goood to meeeee. *bows head* Aaaaaaamennnnn.
Julia: You are actually driving me in--
Phase III: Victory
Julia: Did you like that lasagna?
Sloan: Yes, it felt so good to get that sweet ricotta down my gullet.
Julia: STOP IT.
Sloan: Stop what? Everyone dreams of ricotta flowing through their gullet!
Julia: YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE.
Sloan: I'm not the one yelling for no reason! Why can't you just slow your roll and be happy for me?
Sloan: ...and my gullet.
Julia: *leaves room*