Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Riddler

Sloan: I downloaded a new app that tells you riddles. Want me to read them to you?
Julia: Yeah!! I'll feel like Bilbo Baggins!
Sloan: Okay, here's the first one: The more you take, the more you leave behind.
Julia: *thinky face* Footsteps!
Sloan: Good job! Brothers and sisters have I none, but that man's father is my father's son. Who is that man?
Julia: *counts on fingers* Eh...um, me?
Sloan: Yeah, baby! Good job! Okay, What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?
Julia: Hmmmm...*ten minutes later* A river???!!
Sloan: Yep! Man, you are...dedicated. You use a knife to slice my head and weep beside me when I am dead.
Julia: I think it's-
Sloan: ...In the store, I'm by the door. In the house, I'm eaten by mouse.
Julia: Oh...you weren't done? Anyway *clears throat* I think it's an onion. 
Sloan: Yeah! *high five* Okay next: I can be cracked, I can be made.
I can be told, I can be played.
Julia: Ha! A jo-
Sloan: ...I can climb walls, I can cut throats...
I laugh and frolic with the goats.
Julia: *silence* *brow furrowed*
Sloan: ...I blow my nose, I poop my pants...
Julia: *shocked face*
Sloan: ...I know the real versus implants.
Julia: *grabs at phone* What the?! *reads screen* That's not on here!! You've been making these up!
Sloan: *poker face* She runs her mouth, she flails about.
Julia: STOP IT
Sloan: Her voice is full of fright and doubt.
Julia: This isn't even a riddle anymore!!!! It's...a poem!!
Sloan: Her brow perspires, patience expires
Julia: *gutteral groan* 
Sloan: Her life and situation dire.
Julia: *goes into kitchen*
Sloan: *follows* She walks away, pulls down a cup
Julia: *turns on faucet*
Sloan: And from it drinks, can't lighten up.
Julia: *throws water in Sloan's face*
Sloan: *poker face* Alas, she strikes! Like a loser, sore!
Julia: *locks self in bathroom*
Sloan: *through the door* So goes the story *dramatic pause* of Julia Moore.


  1. I love you jules! the posts that highlight sloan are the ones that make me laugh the most.

  2. P.S. I just figured out that was a picture of Sloan's face put on the Riddler's body. Who's laughing now (probably you and you are thinking, wow, I'm not the only dumb one in the family.)

  3. I lost it on "of Julia Moore".

    Hey, that is sloan up there!