Thursday, April 7, 2011

HAY HAY IT'S NAME TIME!

Discussing baby names is incredibly weird and stressful. As Sloan and I have had merciless and potentially-abusive battles consisting of emotional blackmail and mockery discussions about what to name this kid (the kid who hates it when I wear a seatbelt because he KICKS AND KIX AND KIXXXXXXXXSSSSS when I buckle up), I've tried to mellow out a little bit. Actually, no, I haven't. I refuse to deal with a husband who is tripping and even, dare I say, trifling while I am just doing my best to be a mama grizzly bear matriarch person (term used with permission from Sarah Palin).

I mean, Shakespeare himself wrote "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. JK names are pretty important guys. I mean srsly what else would we call a rose? LOL."

Did I mention he named his son Hamnet? I feel like that's important to mention. This is a list that has been compiled of Sloan's actual recommendations along with my own.


Okay, so some of these are jokes (Edward? Seriously?) but this points to a problem bigger than incompatibility; that problem being Sloan. He actually thinks Condor is a good idea. W? T? F? And apparently Mandar "sounds strong." 

Now, for me, Kanye was sort of a wild card suggestion, meaning: I love the name, but it's a risk putting it out there since I don't think some kid from suburban Seattle (like Sloan) could ever appreciate the Yeezy tribute. Maybe I'll just save it for our future dog/cat/daughter.

Some people have had the AUDACITY to "help" by suggesting names to me. Excuse me, elderly woman sitting next to me at the doctor's office, don't act like you know me. You don't know my life. You think Michael is a good name? Well I think You'reSoOldICan'tEvenUghWhatever is a good name. Get on my level.

OH AND ANOTHER THING I've been reading on the internet that I should start getting mad at people who want to touch my stomach. Apparently, it's a reeeeeeal contemptible way for others to behave, "caring about my baby" and being "in awe at the creation of life." Let's not forget, strangers, that this is about me. Not you, not the baby, and not human interaction. So listen up, you teeming hordes: I will hit you with my large purse if you lunge at my incubation area with your diseased hands. And then I will stomp on your foot in just the right place like they showed me in that self-defense class to make you hop around and howl like a cartoon character.  Then the police will arrest you and send to you Guantanamo Bay. Touching my creepy, bulbous stomach is a privilege, not a right. I hate you.

22 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA, seriously though I am sorry you are having difficulty with the names. Rob and I had names picked out when we were dating! (literally, I know, its a very "Corinne" thing to do but, whatever DONT JUDGE ME!!) And as far as the belly touching thing...I was ok with it as long as they asked me first. Random people from the street coming up and fondling my protruding belly was weird, even weirder was when they got on their knees to talk to it....it's like, "hey! it's not Your voice that I want my baby to come to know and love, I don't even KNOW you!!!" so yeah. Oh, and baby kicks are awesome, unless they are up in your ribcage, or down in your bladder, or you have hot lava indigestion, or you are attempting to sleep, yeah, sleep HAHAHAHA I am not even sure that sleep even EXISTS anymore, but then I have a breastfeeding 3 1/2 month old.....

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  2. Wow...alright sug....go take a nap and watch some Anne of Green Gables.
    I LOOOVE the name Reeve!!!
    A personal favorite of mine though...is Thor Hagmar.
    You may have heard this before. My dad and Ed used to joke a lot about naming one of their kids this name.

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  3. Are we feeling hormonal today?

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  4. K, Regen and Katie, your comments aren't supposed to be like "OMG calm down," they were supposed to be like, "Hahahaha! You are so funny! And a classic beauty, might I add!"

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  5. OH, I have the perfect name! My Dad came up with it when my mom was pregnant with me, "Thnur Albedo" Wonder why they never used it......

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  6. HAHAHAHA!!!! You are so Funny!! So I am out of the loop and Sampson told me you're pregnant but he didn't tell me when you are due and what you are having???

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  7. Haley's grandmother in law suggested Haley name Emma "Heaven Ann." Had Haley listened, her name would be "Heaven Ann Hale."

    -russell

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  8. Beck was actually our No. 1 choice for Calvin, but then he came out and just didn't look like a Beck. I'd go for Kanye. You won't find me on Team Edward.

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  9. Perfect name....we saw it as a street sign one day and Chris just loved it. Get ready --- Thockmorton. Now doesn't that sound strong??? Way better than fundus if I do say so myself

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  10. Someone named Brinley Kate "Cleetus Fetus" and refused to call her anything else until she actually arrived. Yeah, I wish I was kidding, too.

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  11. We do have a Throckmorton family name. I think you could get away with it.
    Aunt Miriam

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  12. You're southern and trendy, so you are poised to breath life back into the double name. I've adapted one of your names to the purpose: Glenbeck. Then the middle name should be something that starts with an X or a Q to make sure their email addresses never have to have numbers at the end.

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  13. I feel like I know you better than the old lady at the dr's office since I sometimes lurk here...so these are my name suggestions:
    Feargal Sharkey
    Radcliff
    Igor

    All are names my husband wanted to use on our kids, but I'm sure he won't mind if you take one.

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  14. what's wrong with edward? oh i know. you're team jacob (jk)

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  15. Mandar sounds like name outta a comic book...I dig it.

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  16. So, I really really really want to use the name Rhett. I can't tell if that was one of your joke suggestions, but I'm having a little jealous fit that your last name can work with it and mine can't. "Rhett Ray" just... yeah.

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  17. Dave wanted to name our potential baby boy, Zephyr...Zephyr Zierse. Yeah...right. Thank goodness Mia is Mia. Congrats on the pregnancy Julia! So excited for you!! :)

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  18. Zander. It's like Mander but less salamander-ish. :)

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  19. Jules, it's mom--on Dad's site. Anyway, here's a few new ones that kinda sound like something you'd like: Clark(e), Tristan, Grant, Miles, Reid, Brennan, Cruz, Rey, Finn (means wise & quick-witted in one language and fair-haired in another). I actually like Reeve, Beck, Edward (ward) and most others you're seriously considering. Wish we could get Sloan on the Rhett team, but that appears to be a solid "NO". Each of you should exercise your veto right. Dad always said, "That's why kids need two parents. So they don't end up with a dumb name!"

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  20. When we found out that the twins were boys, my dad said we should name them "What The Hale" and "How The Hale." I didn't, but sometimes think I should have.
    Get creative- what goes with Rehder? R'Fridge Rehder?

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  21. Hahahahaha! you're so funny and a classic beauty might I add:) I love how Rhett Rehder sounds! Plus I love 'Gone with the Wind'. And how often can you get a first and last name that both start with the letters RH and E?? It's a no-brainer. Robert and I never could agree on names either. I am lucky he liked 'Brady', I think it's harder to discount a family name. Maybe you should just go with family names, depending on your family and if they have what it takes to have someone named after them of course:)

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  22. It's mom again, on Dad's site. Sounds like your friends are pushing for Rhett, too. I encourage you to use your power of persuasion to push for reconsideration...at least I WOULD do that if I were an annoying mother-in-law...but, of course, of all things, THAT--I am NOT, unless, of course,it works because it IS a PRICELESS match...and if you don't nab it, I bet the next REHDER will!

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