I haven't hit my third trimester yet. And I don't know if I've mentioned it or not, but I've gained 26 pounds. No big deal though because I'm 5'2, which means I hide it quite well. The trick is vertical stripes.
|I'm frowning because my roots are showing, |
I have an emerging beard and because I lack
the arms to eat my chips
Attention, all the bewombed: no matter if you get hairy, fat, or suddenly have an Iranian accent (that's normal, yeah?), your body CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH YOUR BUGGIN, it's busy making those sloshy noises in your stomach. Okay? Even though it means you can't wear pants for a few months, you should gain weight at an aggressive rate, no matter what you hear otherwise from the "professionals." For example, my doctor told me to slow down with the weight gain, but I know he only really said that because I brought a bag of chips to the appointment. I get what he was really trying to say: it's a respect thing, Julia, don't eat salt and vinegar Lays while I take your blood pressure. My bad, Dr. Harward, that's on me. Boundaries.