Thursday, June 9, 2011

So Fumey!

A few days ago, I used nail polish remover for the first time in probably six months.

It smelled...delicious. Drink it! said something inside me (reasonably sure it wasn't the fetus). Drink it!! I resisted.

The next day, I used a brand new Sharpie to write an address on a package. Just one waft of the fumes made me want to crack that marker open and eat its contents like beef jerky. But I knew better than to do it, too messy!

Also, I've always liked the smell of gasoline, but lately when I smell it, I want to go into the mountains to find a gasoline river, dunk my refillable Big Gulp into its depths, then drink it like Indian Jones did from the Holy Grail in The Last Crusade. (He chose wisely).

What does this mean? I don't know. According to the many academic sources I researched (Wiki, WebMD) I have determined that it's not pica because pica makes people want to eat gross and flavorless things like dirt and chalk. Dirt and chalk? BOOORING. How much more hardcore can I get when I already want to drink lighter fluid? NOT MUCH. Go ahead and keep your clay, detergent, and quartz stones, whimps because like I said I don't have pica. I'll bet what I have is named something closer to HemiChainsawStevenSeagalBAMF Disorder. But that's not important. What's important is how much latex paint can I drink through this crazy straw before it could start to adversely affect my social image unborn child? I mean, this right here is only a quart, no biggie. I'm just inquiring now so I don't even get close to that level. Safety first!


  1. Actually that is Pica, but you are smart enough to resist the urges. Pica is defined as any non-food craving. When I was a kid, I chewed #2 pencils to shreds. True story. It's totally common in preggos, though. When I was pregnant with Caroline, I was drawn to the kitchen by a heavenly smell that I was certain was a scrumptious roast that Drew must have brought home for his bride that was bearing his children. No such luck - it was a can of Alpo for Missy. I still seriously considered snatching it from her food bowl and devouring it myself, but I would probably get even more grief about it than I already do. I believe I, too, chose wisely.

  2. You would be LOVING my office right about now. Someone is running a leaf blower or something right by the air intake for our building. Good. Heavens.

  3. I've eaten about 32 avocados this week. Am I pregnant?

  4. If you ever get a craving for fartsmell, come on over to our house!!!! Miss ya, Julia.


  5. You would enjoy solder fumes. And I'm pretty sure it's okay to drink just a little bit of nail polish remover. Not nail polish though, because then you'll have to explain to Sloan why your teeth are "Electric Coral".