Thursday, August 4, 2011

SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND

Not many people know this, but I like shiny things. Gems, glitter, prisms, well-polished metals, anything that has facets (even metaphorical kinds) is my friend. Best friend! 

Rhinestones are my favorite of all, always have been. In fact, my first "shoplifting" experience involved picking up a purple rhinestone the size of my palm that had broken off of a brooch at the Dollar Tree. Slipped it in my purse (because seriously MOM, Dollar Tree did not care) then proudly showed it to mother after we left. She gasped like a mother in law from one of those romantic comedies when the bride decides not to say I do at the alter, then delivers a tender diatribe about following her heart while the groom nods understandingly and has a faint tear of acceptance in his eye. 

Anyway, back to my story, I still think about how different my life would have been had mom not made me go back into the store and place the rhinestone where I found it on the ground by the rack of jewelry (that term being used loosely since this was a dollar store). Would I still be where am I now? Or would that gem have butterfly effect-ed me to being something like the CEO of Microsoft? Secretary of State? Perhaps a hip hop mogul? Could I have been spending my days drinking champagne with people like Mischa Barton and my favorite singer/actress Debbie Gibson?

But I digress.

If there are two things in this world that I love, it's shine and muumuus. Reading that word with my eyes makes me feel like I'm on the verge of a seizure. Muumuus. WHY CAN'T I JUST STAY ON TOPIC MAYBE IF I TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND DENY MYSELF THE TREACHEROUS LUXURY OF PUNCTUATION IT WILL FORCE ME TO GET TO THE POINT WHICH IS THIS MY MOM SENT ME AN AWESOMELY CUSTOM-MADE MUUMUU TODAY:

DO YOU LIKE

METHINKS YOU DO

IT AIN'T MY BURFDAY BUT I GOT MAH
NAME ON THE CAKE - LIL WAYNE

WHIMSICAL MUUMUU FROM A
JAUNTY ANGLE
HIPSTER MUUMUU FROM A HIPSTER APP
SO WHEN I GOT THIS IN THE MAIL I REMEMBERED THE CONCLUSION THAT I HAD DRAWN SO LONG AGO AS A LITTLE GIRL:

ALL THINGS ARE BETTER WITH RHINESTONES

FOODS TASTE BETTER!
RELIGIONS ARE TRUER!
PHONES RING CLEARER 








BABIES
ARE
HAPPIER






Much like television, recreational drugs, and speed boats, rhinestones are an essential part of your happiness!

12 comments:

  1. WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT BABY!?!

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  2. Love the bedazzled Muumuu!! awesome!

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  3. Ju Ju and the love of shiny things is a well-known family fact. I am so glad that the love hasn't died.

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  4. You probably pinched him just to get that picture didn't you. :)

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  5. Trust me, that kid doesn't need any help from me to be crying

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  6. The name on the back makes you an official member of "Team Mom"...and you thought that had something to do with giving birth---huh!---Love, Mom

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  7. I've always wanted a muumuu. Nannie's have always looked soo comfy. I haven't ever bought one for myself but I am sure that I will one of these days. The Nannie gene is quite strong. Didn't we discuss this over one of your posts about loving dishes? Do you love quilts, too- or is it just me?

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  8. I won't even get into how many hours Susie spent on this thing. I went with her to the store to get the jewels because I knew she would agonize over the vast selection. An hour and a half later we left with an assortment worthy of a king's crown.Five trips later ( JoAnn's, Hobby Lobby, Jared's Jewelry, etc.) she had what she needed. Trinket cost =$8.35 gas cost = $ 42.79
    Hours pinning jewels on said muumuu then unpinning and moving around = 32.5 hours Satisfaction she got from seeing that you loved it = worth every minute and dollar.

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  9. Bahahah what truly makes me laugh is imagining you meticulously placing the rhinestones in the popcorn to create the desired seemingly randomly scattered look for the photo.

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  10. Jules--I can see now why Emily drove up to Seattle for your wedding--she DOES know & love you like a real sister! And Haley, I gotta get you a muumuu, too. It might just be plain though, ok? Don't think I have another one in me soon! Love, Zannah

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  11. Oh my gosh, this post was so funny I am currently crying from laughter. I don't even know how I found your blog (a lengthy blog stalking session, I guess?), but it is hilarious.

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