Not many people know this, but I like shiny things. Gems, glitter, prisms, well-polished metals, anything that has facets (even metaphorical kinds) is my friend. Best friend!
Rhinestones are my favorite of all, always have been. In fact, my first "shoplifting" experience involved picking up a purple rhinestone the size of my palm that had broken off of a brooch at the Dollar Tree. Slipped it in my purse (because seriously MOM, Dollar Tree did not care) then proudly showed it to mother after we left. She gasped like a mother in law from one of those romantic comedies when the bride decides not to say I do at the alter, then delivers a tender diatribe about following her heart while the groom nods understandingly and has a faint tear of acceptance in his eye.
Anyway, back to my story, I still think about how different my life would have been had mom not made me go back into the store and place the rhinestone where I found it on the ground by the rack of jewelry (that term being used loosely since this was a dollar store). Would I still be where am I now? Or would that gem have butterfly effect-ed me to being something like the CEO of Microsoft? Secretary of State? Perhaps a hip hop mogul? Could I have been spending my days drinking champagne with people like Mischa Barton and my favorite singer/actress Debbie Gibson?
But I digress.
If there are two things in this world that I love, it's shine and muumuus. Reading that word with my eyes makes me feel like I'm on the verge of a seizure. Muumuus. WHY CAN'T I JUST STAY ON TOPIC MAYBE IF I TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND DENY MYSELF THE TREACHEROUS LUXURY OF PUNCTUATION IT WILL FORCE ME TO GET TO THE POINT WHICH IS THIS MY MOM SENT ME AN AWESOMELY CUSTOM-MADE MUUMUU TODAY:
|DO YOU LIKE|
|METHINKS YOU DO|
|IT AIN'T MY BURFDAY BUT I GOT MAH |
NAME ON THE CAKE - LIL WAYNE
|WHIMSICAL MUUMUU FROM A|
SO WHEN I GOT THIS IN THE MAIL I REMEMBERED THE CONCLUSION THAT I HAD DRAWN SO LONG AGO AS A LITTLE GIRL:
ALL THINGS ARE BETTER WITH RHINESTONES
|FOODS TASTE BETTER!|
|RELIGIONS ARE TRUER!|
|PHONES RING CLEARER|
Much like television, recreational drugs, and speed boats, rhinestones are an essential part of your happiness!