Thursday, October 27, 2011

Identity Crisis

Sloan: I think I'm gonna buy a new cover for the duvet.
Julia: Why? I just got that one like a year ago.
Sloan: I just...
Julia: It's a great duvet cover! And I got an awesome deal on it, baby. It's Pottery Barn damaged goods! Thank goodness for employees with--
Sloan: --poor box cutting skills, I know. It's just that...when I saw that picture you posted of me sleeping with my sword...I just...a man sleeping with his sword should be one of the most masculine moments in his life. But that fruity duvet cover ruined it.


Julia: So...you want a manlier blanket?
Sloan: Well, yeah.
Julia: Ugh. Listen: I'm the girl. I am in charge of the things like bedding. If it helps, don't think of it as your duvet, think of it as mine that you're borrowing.
Sloan: Oh yeah, that really cuts down on the emasculation.
Julia: And besides, what would make a blanket manly? Chainmail? Blankets are cuddly, and cuddly is inherently effeminate. Like a woman's bosom. Or her womb.
Sloan: I'd just like to not be wrapped in pink flowers every night.
Julia: And besides, I don't really know why, but duvet covers are freaky expensive! Maybe it has to do with inflation or the stocks of things? The Fed? I don't know how that stuff works, but what I do know is that even the cheap ones are more than zero dollars, and that's always too much for something you already have one of.
Sloan: Tell that to the thirty-two mismatching dinner plates that we own.
Julia: That is a collection.
Sloan: Twelve glitter pumpkins.
Julia: How could one ever do the job of twelve?
Sloan: Six sets of sheets.
Julia: Changing out sheets transforms the room!!
Sloan: I'm going to the store.
Julia: K. Get some sheets.

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