Monday, October 10, 2011

Winter is Coming

Currently, Sloan is reading Game of Thrones, a fantasy book about like, dragons and warrior men and clans or whatever.

Did I ever mention before that Sloan likes fantasy? Probably not, because it's embarrassing. Does he play Dungeons & Dragons? Has he tried to learn Elvish? Did he hold up a map of Middle Earth in his high school's group senior picture? These are questions that will be met with silence. (But really, doesn't the silence say it all?)

Anyway, Sloan got a good amount of reading in on Saturday, and as is the case when he reads/watches anything fantasy, it made him obnoxious and insane for the rest of the day. After spending the majority of the night speaking with a (surprisingly good...) Irish accent, Sloan decided that my yelling at him to "Shut your creepy mouth or I swear I will take this baby and start a new life as a cocktail waitress in Reno," just wasn't as gratifying as it used to be. And so, like the warrior he is, he pushed on.

Before you read the following, you should also know this: Sloan keeps an imitation katana under his side of the bed "for protection." What's a katana, Julia? Well, you totally dumb reader, it's a Japanese samurai sword. These days, katanas are owned mostly by the "quiet type" teenage boys who draw disturbing pictures and argue over things like hit points and warrior classes.
Exhibit A
NOW ON TO THE STORY!
The Scene: In bed, falling asleep. Even Sloan's breathing somehow sounds Irish.
Sloan: *sits ups* Woman. Did ya hear that?
Julia: That squeak?
Sloan: Aye.
Julia: *sigh* It was just the bed when you were turning over.
Sloan: Methinks something is afoot. *slips out of bed, crouches*
Julia: I think you're confusing Shakespeare with...never mind. And what? No one is in the house. I just went through and turned off the lights. The doors are locked. It was the bed.
Sloan: *holding sword* You stay here. *strokes Julia's cheek* There's no need fer a woman tah see what's about tah happ'n.
Julia:  *ignoring*
*five minutes later*
Sloan: *putting sword back in its sheath* Woman, wake up. Arise!
Julia: *not moving*
Sloan: You should know...*leans on sword* I found no one in our beloved home.
Julia: *ignoring*
Sloan: But *dramatic sigh* because winter is coming, I shall keep Ev'nfall close this night.
Julia: I am not asking you what that means.
Sloan: *climbs into bed* Ahhhhh. *scratches chest* Sweet sleep awaits me this autumn evenin'.
Julia: Don't tell me what Ev'nfall is. I do not ca--
Sloan: *loudly* Ev'nfall is mah sword, woman! *pulls sword out from under comforter*
Julia: You named it? It's not even the right kind of swor--
Sloan: *throws head back* HAHAHA, silly girl!! *head shake* All good swords have names.
Julia: *silence*
Sloan: Now, quiet lass. *puts finger on Julia's lips* We slumber.
Julia: I wasn't even talk--
Sloan: SILENCE, WENCH.

The End.

P.S. Many people think the Sloan stories aren't true. Oh they are YOU BETCHA. And he is skilled at these games; he will stay in character for DAYS until he wakes up to me holding a pillow over his face is through having his fun. And the above character in the above story was no different. In fact, the following day, when we were going to take our Sunday afternoon nap, Sloan got in bed first and meant only to hold this until I came in and got sufficiently annoyed. However, I continued messing around on my computer for quite a while and he actually fell asleep like this. That mistake is major because I could have never gotten this photo otherwise, and he would have done what he always does after I tell stories about him: vehemently denied everything to everyone and treated me like a mental patient while everyone else laughs nervously at our bickering. HA NOT THIS TIME, ARAGORN WILLIAM WALLACE STARK OR WHOEVER YOU THINK YOU ARE. Gotchaaaaaaaa! Don't it hurt yaaaa...


9 comments:

  1. Love this. I was laughing out loud at work. Also, I did a double-take when I noticed your new header. My old header had the exact same winking lady! Great minds ...

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  2. Me thinks the wench should show more respect for her protector.

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  3. Ah @Veronica: Retro winking ladies!!

    @dad: Be glad you are 1600 miles away from this wench.

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  4. Sloan is officially EPIC!! Why have you never told me he was so cool?! Please tell him for me: MAKE ME YOUR PADAWON!! I wish to learn the ways of awesome geekyness. Oh and he and Sarah and I should get together to go to Dragon*Con next year.

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  5. just when i was thinking... this can't be real...
    i remembered the title of this blog.

    i kept on reading, and i started to doubt again, until i read the last part of this post.

    so, it is TRUE!

    sloan is a one-man-circus.
    definitely explains the small connection i feel.

    can't wait to read this to lehi tonight.

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  6. Growing up with Tom, I experienced many instances similar to yours...

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  7. Me and Jer are reading Game of Thrones right now, both on the third book, and that knowledge, nerdy as it is, made this post even more fun. :)

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  8. hahahahahahahahahahaha i have not laughed so hard until now. especially when he declared "WENCH!" (don't ask me how i found your blog, i couldn't tell you, it's just been one of those blog jumpin' days). i hope my future hubs can pull off elven just as well as sloan, though i seriously doubt that.

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  9. I don't think I can adequately express just how awesome I think Sloan is.

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