Sunday, November 13, 2011

...and That's Why You Should Never Get Married.

Sloan: My doctor said that for the next two weeks that every time I pass gas, I need someone else to smell it to make sure it doesn't smell like ammonia.
Julia: What?! He did NOT say that!!
Sloan: Yes, he did! He said it's because I need to get an objective evaluation of the smell in order to monitor my colon health! And the only way to be sure is to have someone else smell my toots.
Julia: No doctor would ever say that, Sloan.
Sloan: What? Baby, farts may be funny, but they are also just a bodily function! Sometimes you need to be an adult about things!
Julia: I am not about to follow you around and take huge, scientific whiffs of your farts!!
Sloan: Listen to yourself! *biting lower lip* This is a really embarrassing and vulnerable position that I'm in, and I am humiliated enough just having to ask you to do this. I need your help, Julia. As my wife.
Julia: Are you...serious?
Sloan: *tearing up* Yes, Julia. I'm really scared and the doctor thinks that something could be wrong.
Julia: Oh my gosh, baby! I am so sorry! *rubs Sloan's back* Yes, I'll smell them! I'll make sure they don't smell like ammonia. We'll get through this together!
Sloan: *face in hands* Okay. *sniff* Thank you. I feel better...and actually, I can feel one coming right now. Will you...?
Julia: *gulp* Okay. Let's do this.
Julia: *trying not to gag* I think this one is *dry heave* fine. I don't smell any...wait, are you giggling?
Sloan: *hiding face* What? No! I'm... I'm crying! *sob*
Julia: OH HELL NO. You called into question my obligations as a WIFE to trick me into sniffing your farts!!!!!!!!
Sloan: *laughing uncontrollably*
Julia: *enraged* You're a monster! I'm putting this on the blog to humiliate you!! People will think you're disgusting and freakish!
Sloan: Ha!! You don't have the guts!

EDIT: Only after publishing this have I realized that Sloan was reverse-psychologying me into putting this up because he's actually quite proud of his prank.


  1. BEEHHHHAHAAAAAHAHAH!!!! What kind of husband-??????? I'm at a loss for words........that is so funny. plus why would his farts smell like ammonia??? what a sicko.

  2. If I had been drinking milk, it would be coming out of my nose right now......LOL!!!!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.