Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Captain Appletop

What do you get when you put these two things together?
A recorder
A Sloan
You get Captain Appletop, a saucy British detective who punctuates his sentences with the trills of a plastic wind instrument.

Sloan: Where's the remote?
Julia: *shrug* I haven't seen it for a couple of days. I actually thought you would know.
Sloan: Hmmm, nope. I havent seen it either. *sigh* *leaves room* *returns wearing old baseball cap and playing recorder* This sounds like a case for....Cap'n Appletop! *tootle toot toot*
Julia: Oh no. Don't star--
Sloan: No time for idle chatter, ladybird! There are crimes to be solved! Now, the most important question in finding this remote is: Why would you ever want to hide it from me in the first place?
Julia: *sigh*
Sloan: I mean, truly, you mustn't have thought I'd simply throw up my hands and resign myself to never finding it again after missing it for only a couple of days! *throws head back* HA! PREPOSTEROUS! *toot tootle toot*
Julia: Stop playing the recorder.
Sloan: *sideways glance*
Julia: *threatening glare*
Sloan: *slowly brings recorder to mouth*
Julia: *meaner glare*
Sloan: *toot*
Julia: That's it. I'm leaving you. And taking Ward with me.
Sloan: Who?
Julia: Ward. Your son.
Sloan: *furrowed brow* *taps temple* Ward Ward Ward? Oh! *snaps finger* You mean Private Bananabottom, my trusted assistant? I'm afraid he's useless without me.
Julia: Just sto-
Sloan: *tootle tootle toooooooooot*
Julia: I'm trying to talk to--
Sloan: *toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot* Now, it seems like someone here is a little hostile. Perhaps she's realizing her evil plans are falling apart?! *toot toot tootootoot*
Julia: I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE REMOTE IS.
Sloan: Fine, I don't need your cooperation....just know that this isn't even close to being over, dear. *scowl* *toooootle toot*

I tried to surreptitiously record him with my phone, but like the stellar inspector that he is, the Captain figured it out before I got anything good.

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