Monday, November 28, 2011

Spoiler Alert

My having an English degree essentially means that over the course of four years, I paid an institution to tell me to read approximately 300 books and then write 300 essays...terrible, terrible essays. Awful essays. I wrote like an orangutan. But my professors always added such encouraging comments: "Nailed it! You are correct in stating that Boo Radley lacked sufficient social skills, Julia! I am so glad that those three years I spent in Namibia as a graduate student translating Emily Dickinson into Afrikaans have enabled me to land this sweet job as your Eng101 adjunct professor! By the way, I had to eat bugs! In Namibia!"

^ That was the long and not-as-humorous-as-I-had-hoped way of saying this: I've read a lot of books. Good books, bad books, worse books, book books, Garfield books, books titled How to Avoid Huge Ships. But I've never read Harry Potter. Why not? Let me break it down for you:

 Julia's Reasons to Read Harry Potter 
 Julia's Reasons Not to Read Harry Potter 
  • Critical acclaim
  • Massive and diverse fan base
  • Easily accessible
  • ...not like I'm doing anything else 
  • It's 18,000 pages long

So there's that.

BUT did you know that each book has a movie??? Check AND mate!!

And I just watched all of them.

Sloan has patiently explained things to me along the way (he has read the books), which has meant mostly just reminding me over and over that Tom Riddle and Voldemort are the same person (it surprises me every time!!) Last week, we watched the final movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II. I took it a little hard.

Sloan: You need to get out of the tub now. It's been an hour and a half. The water is cold.
Julia: *head in hands* *sniff*
Sloan: I know you are just so sad about Snape.
Julia: *sinks under water*
Sloan: But Harry named his son after him! He finally understood the sacrifices that were made for him!
Julia: *gets out of tub* *flops on bed*
Sloan: *brings in towel* And you're right, it would've been nice if Lilly had loved him back, but things don't always work out that way.
Julia: *head in pillow* HE HELD HER LIFELESS BODY AND WAS JUST SO SAD AND THEN HE HAD TO WATCH AFTER THE BOY THAT SHE HAD WITH ANOTHER MAN AND THE BOY JUST HATED HIM BECAUSE HE DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE WAS A DOUBLE AGENT HELPING HIM AND HE CRIED WHEN HE DIED THE SNAKE BIT HIM SO MANY TIMES NO ONE LOVED HIM BUT I WOULD HAVE IF I HAD BEEN THERE I WOULD HAVE SEEN THE REAL SNAPE.
Sloan: But you wouldn't have--just...go to sleep.

2 comments: