Sunday, December 18, 2011

Bainbridge Island 101

Sloan is from a place called Alaska. But his parents moved to Seattle when was seven because, lol Alaska? No thanks.

*cue relaxing tourism music* The Rehder family lives on Bainbridge Island, which is a 35 minute ferry ride from downtown Seattle. It's a charming place full of people who are welcoming and open-minded...but also kind of bananas.

Ya see, I consider myself somewhat liberal; I think health care should be free, that the disadvantaged be given advantages, and I think Stephen Colbert is funny even when I don't totally understand what he's talking about. The people of Bainbridge, however, kind of make me look like Ann Coulter in comparison. This is mostly due to the fact that a lot of people in the Pacific Northwest in general tend to think the environment is more important than people.*

Everyone dresses like they're in a 1998 Land's End catalog, which is cute. They have a cute little downtown and a cute little high school and cute little roads that are overrun with mindless cyclist revolutionaries. Which is also just so cute. Because bicycles need rights too! As many rights as cars, in fact, and people need to learn that cyclists own the road just as much as-BAHAHAHAHA, sorry. I kept that one going as long as I could.
Oh, the Man won't like this...
Stick it to him!
No hurry, though.
Besides riding their bikes slowly in front of motorists, the people of BI do other meaningful things, like protesting the presence of a cell phone tower and spray painting YOU'RE KILLING BAINBRIDGE on construction barriers that surround new building sites. 

Don't get me wrong, I really like Bainbridge. In fact, it's one of my favorite places to go (and I've been to Hawaii!) However, I need to write this post in order to make room in my soul for our upcoming trip. I booked our Christmas vacay plane tickets for the wrong week of my work PTO. And because I didn't check on those details until WELP YESTERDAY, plans have changed slightly and now we are spending two whole weeks in Seattle for Christmas! Again, let me state that I really like going to Sloan's house for the holidays. However, being anywhere for two weeks means I'm gonna be coming up with some pretty memorable insults about that place by the end of my stay. So as a means of prevention, I need to get all of the Seattle jokes off my chest before we leave. Here we go:
  • I just flew in last night and BOY are my arms tired!!
  • And what's the deal with the Space Needle? It's not a needle! And it's not even in SPACE! AmIright?
  • then I said, "Lady! This is Bainbridge Island! We practically invented eco-terrorism!"
  • Knock knock! Who's there? RAIN! Rain who? IT'S RAININ', I TELL YA!
  • I saw this little guy on the ferry the other day without any pants on! So I says to him, "Look, I know you're a dog and everything, but a little respect!"
  • Also...Clam chowder, right folks? Where's the chowder? Sheesh!
That's all for this evening, ladies and gentlemen! 


* I have a rant related to this principle, but I put it at the end because if there's one thing my mom taught me, it was that if I want to rant about something in the middle of a blog post, I should just put an asterisk in and continue that part as a footnote to the post so as not to lose my audience in the middle of the original story. Mom, you always give the best advice!

Anyway: Some of you may be saying in response to that last sentence: "What? Caring for the environment and caring for people are one in the same, Julia!" I know, I know. Sort of true, but there are plenty of times when the long term necessities of nature are diametrically opposed to the short term needs of the people. And the people should win. This is the reason that aggressive environmentalists seem like major time wasters to me.

Hear me out.

Now, I know this is not totally sound reasoning, but why can't we as a world get on the same page when it comes to righting wrongs? Let's address the same problem all at once. That way, we can knock that stuff off our list much faster. And the environment is not at the top of that list. Can any ethical person honestly say that preventing the killing of a human is less urgent than preventing the cutting down a forest? Now, I know how things can get out of hand, I've seen Avatar. But why get all protesty about genetically-altered crops when you could be spending that time getting all protesty about politically-fueled starvation and famine and murder? If your time and money could be going to refugees' starving babies, then protesting the far-future ramifications of a robust corn that can feed millions of people can wait until we a have little downtime. And don't worry, if someday this corn has morphed into a sentient plant monster that eats entire villages in an afternoon, then we will definitely address that issue. Promise! In the meantime, stop marching in front of the grocery store with signs about Frankenfruits and do something more important for our current world state. Once we get the genocide and civil war displacement stuff taken care of, then we can work on stuff like the environment, the arts, and all of the other sincerely noble causes in the world. I guess what I'm trying to say is, before you do something important, do something more important. Like writing a poorly-trafficked blog about your weird husband and moderately-cute baby.


  1. so....I read your rant all I heard was BLAH BLAH BLAH super mutant attack corn! BLAH BLAH

    Awesome! because if there is anything we need, it is more killer corn. I mean, tomatoes are so played out.

  2. Bravo!! Can't wait to see you, IF I do, indeed get to see you, that is...

  3. I agree that a human's life is more important than the environment BUT you must understand how I see thing, being an environmentalist myself. Protecting the environment helps protect us. I do, indeed, believe those "frankenfruits" people are off their rockers a little bit. But that's probably because I don't study food science or agronomy. I do believe that keeping track of animals is very important. Because of efforts of wildlife control, there is less disease and death. If we could get just the deer population under control there would be fewer deer attacks, less disease/parasite spread, fewer car crashes, less crop destruction, and many other things could be resolved. AND THAT'S JUST DEER!! Imagine conserving and monitoring OTHER wildlife! We could stop rabies, some strains of the flue virus, and much more! Just saying, its not just for the environment but also for people.
    As for "organic" foods, that's a whole 'nother can of worms which, I too, find ridiculous and very much unnecessary. Plants have been genetically altered since the beginning of time! (its called cross pollination) We are doing the same thing but just at a cellular level.

    That is my two cents. Sorry its so long... Good post!