So last week, I come home from a long day at work to find
my tiny baby this kid holding his own bottle like he owns the place.
Well excuuuuuuuuuuuse me, "King Edward," I didn't "realize" that you "run" things now.
Ward, you may think you're some bottle-wielding hotshot, but until you do something like absent-mindedly eat an entire loaf of bread during a Lifetime movie, you're just another chump with a mediocre approach to eating. Get on my level.
And also, Ward, since you're reading this, will you tell your father something since he's not speaking to me right now? K, just let him know that I am still NOT sorry for being sorted into the Gryffindor house on our Harry Potter iPhone apps, even though he was not so fortunate. And I am also NOT sorry that I celebrated my assignment to Gryffindor by giving an impromptu acceptance speech in the living room, calling your father a "stanky gronk who aint done nuffin to git me where I am tuday" and then mooning him. It's not my fault he was sorted into *snooooooooooze* Oh wait...sorry, I must've fallen asleep when I tried to say Ravencl*snooooze* Ack! I did it again! Sorry, I guess that word is just so boring that I can't even say it without falling asleep!