Before I started this blog, people only talked to me in public when I was jaywalking or not washing my hands in the bathroom or that time when I was six months pregnant and pulling my luggage along in the airport when I felt something weird in the leg of my jeans but I just ignored it for a couple minutes but then I glanced back and saw a pair of my dirty underwear lying on the ground in front of the Arrivals/Departures board and I was frozen with indecision about whether I should go back and get it or just cut my losses and keep walking like they weren't even mine but some lady made that decision for me when she yelled "HAY I THANK YA DRAHPPED SUMFIN" in my direction and man oh man if I've ever done a walk of shame in my life it was then.
Now, people are very interested in me. They often ask me things like, "Do you write your own jokes?" and "What do you do for a living?" or "Did you really pull a half-eaten bag of Ruffles out of the break room trash can or was that just a rumor?" to which I answer "No," "I don't know," and "The chips were still in the bag and it's not like they were touching the other pieces of garbage so I don't see what the big deal is."
People ask me these things because I am what some might consider a "local celebrity." On more than one occasion, I have been approached in public by people telling me that they love my blog. Are these people close friends and/or relatives that I just happen to see at Target? Perhaps. And by "love my blog", do I mean that they read it once because "Aunt Tammy thought that picture of your baby in the party hat reminded her of Grandpa Marty so she emailed me the link"? It wouldn't be unheard of.
Listen, I'm just trying to be me. I never wanted to be famous, I just wanted to live my life. And even though I am now a wildly successful internet personality, I'm still the same person I've always been. Just more important. And prettier. Richer, too. But otherwise, exactly the same.