Friday, April 6, 2012

Self Help

Sloan: I like this picture you put up on Facebook.
Julia: Thanks! I mean, whatever, I am just so ugly, right?
Sloan: What? No, you look pretty.
Julia: Ugh, just call me Frankenstein!
Sloan: Julia, you don't look like Frankenstein.
Julia: FINE! I'll get plastic surgery! Personally, I don't really care how I look but I want my husband to be happy, and if that means having the doctor suck out my back fat, then cut my nose off and sew on a new one donated by a celebrity, I'll do it!
Sloan: You do know that's not how plastic surgery works, right?
Julia: Do they use old noses from anyone?
Sloan: *sigh* Hey, wait...who took this picture?
Julia: What? You did.
Sloan: No I didn't...
Julia: Sure you did. *stands up* *yawn* Oh man, it's late!
Sloan: It's 3 in the afternoon.*squints at computer* I definitely didn't take this.
Julia: Did I mention that I just feel so ugly right now! Ugh!
Sloan: Let me see your phone.
Julia: Hey gimme that!!
Sloan: What the...


Sloan: YOU took the picture!!
Julia: I didn--
Sloan: You took pictures of yourself pretending to be asleep with your baby?? 
Julia: It's not a big deal--
Sloan: That's what crazy people do!
Julia: *grabs Sloan by shoulders* You listen to me, you little rat. Yeah maybe I DID take candid self-portraits of myself as a beautiful mother napping next to her okay-looking child. But no one has to know that. NO ONE. *squeezes tighter* Do you understand?
Sloan: *shocked silence*
Julia: I'll take that as a yes. *releases grip* Now WHERE did I leave those pork rinds?

5 comments:

  1. We've all done it. I promise!

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  2. your writing is therapeutic to me. AND you are stunning. i wish i had your nose. and your boobs. your hair.... the list goes on and on.

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  3. So I like how in the first picture you can see your arm holding up the camera...haha

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  4. HAHAHA I love it. Because now I'm not the only one who has taken fake sleeping pictures with the baby. *fistpump*

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