Monday, September 24, 2012

If I Can Mom, Anyone Can Mom!

Since I've started staying at home with Ward full-time, I've had to make some life adjustments. For example, I guess it's common practice to cook a meal every day, which just sounds exhausting to me. And I read somewhere that I should be doing things like vacuuming under the furniture and washing the outside of my windows. Hearing these things also makes me realize that there is probably truth to a rumor I once heard that some people clean their sheets ONCE a WEEK. Are you kidding me? When I wash my sheets, I don't even get them out of the dryer and back onto the bed for at least a week. And if you're wondering what I do in the meantime, I'm totally cool with sleeping on a bare mattress and using a beach towel as a blanket, because if there's one thing I've learned so far, it's that sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do. And sometimes it works. Sometimes.

Sometimes you're out of milk and your baby is crying in the middle of the night and so you pour a carton of Half & Half in his bottle and that does the trick.

Sometimes you just let your kid put a rock in his mouth because it'll help him realize they taste gross, but now he just eats rocks all of the time everywhere you go because apparently they're delicious.

Sometimes your little man is learning how to walk and you accidentally trip over him. Or you knee him in the face.

Sometimes late at night when your tiny man won't sleep and he throws a tantrum for the 23905th time after you take your cell phone out of his hands, you think, "Maybe it's not worth the 23906th tantrum," and you let him play with it. So then he calls your old boss at one in the morning while you're watching Curious George.

Sometimes you are trying to feed him and end up getting taco meat dangerously far up his nose.

Sometimes you are struggling to lift him out of the seat of the shopping cart and don't pay attention to his protests until he starts desperately swatting at your face to let him go, and then you realize that he's actually stuck and you were basically breaking his legs off at the knee.

And sometimes your baby manages to unfasten your bra while you're holding him and standing in line at the post office.

And sometimes you think, "I'm in charge? How are we going to survive?"

But then there are those times when you're getting ready for church and you're stressed because you feel fat and your hair looks like amateur hour and you hear your husband and son horsing around and don't they know IT'S ALMOST TIME TO GO GUYS and you walk in to find your baby politely seated on your bed, ready to go get the religion.

And he just looks so cute.

And then you think to yourself, "Okay. I can keep doing this."

And then you think to yourself, "Is his new shirt already too small?"

And then you think to yourself, "I should really change my shoes, these look stupid."

And then you think to yourself, "But I got these shoes three years ago and have never had the guts to wear them. It's time to man up!"

And then you think to yourself, "Yes, his shirt really is too small."

*sigh*

They grow up so fast.

5 comments:

  1. I love this. Makes me glad I'm not the only one who leaves clean sheets in the dryer for a week!

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  2. I love this blog. I don't know who you are but I really do think you should be a writer for some tv show. Funny stuff!!

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  3. I think this may be my favorite blog post so far. I laughed, I cried—it moved me.

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  4. Holy crap. Just found your blog, and am currently laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face. Thank you for making me feel like a normal human being... And sharing your thoughts and humor on motherhood. It's fantastic

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