Sloan and I were married three and a half years ago at his family's home on Bainbridge Island, Washington.
|As usual: I'm killin it and Sloan's just a creep.|
I'd like to think that my immense intellect was the main detractor from taking a leap of faith. But I don't think I can say that, seeing as I can't even consistently pronounce words like "confiscate" or "grosgrain" correctly. Nor can I divide fractions...even with a calculator. And until last week, I thought that men had ovaries too. So that whole intellectual theory is pretty much out.
I was kind of at the peak of my crisis of faith right around the time I met Sloan. He stood by patiently while I did and said a multitude of selfish and destructive things while trying out my new ideas and beliefs. He quietly withstood my erratic behavior without much judgment, kind of like I imagine a parent does when their child is "just going through a phase." He listened to my rants and gave me whatever space I needed, he offered direct and sensible advice while I tried to pat myself on the back for all of the complex philosophy I was cooking up. We went on walks. He made me lunch. We did crossword puzzles together.
I liked being around Sloan because he made me feel calm and kind. I wanted to be like Sloan. I admired him for his fortitude and patience. He was a strong man who knew his convictions, but he was always slow to take offense. He was not easily dismayed, nor was he judgmental. He was just Sloan. My mom had once told me that she and my dad both loved each other for having all of the qualities the other lacked. My dad was fond of how compassionate and loving my mother was to everyone. My mom admired my father's unceasing work ethic and his lack of self-entitlement. It wasn't hard to decide to marry Sloan since it was just the downright sensible choice. He's always believed the church was true, since before his mission, which also meant that he's also always wanted to get married in the temple. He took a major risk marrying me in a civil ceremony, which was actually pretty stupid on his part. But besides his steadfastness and patience, Sloan is also an exceptionally accepting man. So you bet your bottom dollar I took advantage of THAT and convinced him to marry me in a civil ceremony until I could feel ready for the temple. I was pretty sexy back then, so it wasn't too hard to con him into it.
Don't get me wrong, though, Sloan is super annoying most of the time. For instance, this morning I asked him to bring me a towel while I was in the bath tub and he brought me a paper towel.
Anyway, the point of this post is to openly declare that I'm ready to commit to my religion! Do I still have some issues that hurt? Sure, gay marriage being one. But do I think that will be resolved in time? Yes. Do I sometimes feel like some rules are arbitrary? Like not drinking alcohol or not gambling? Yes, but I also thought the same thing when my parents made me wear a coat on cold days or return a plastic ruby bracelet to Claire's that I tried to shoplift when I was five years old (still mad about that, but I understand why I couldn't keep it OKAY MOM GET OFF MY BACK). But I guess the most important questions, the ones that I'd avoided for so long, were simply, "Do I think being Mormon is a good idea? Do I want to raise my children in this environment? Do I believe it's true?" all of which I would answer with an absolute yes.
It only took me 26 years!