Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Best Blog Giveaway!

People tell me that they read my blog and that I could make money off of my blog because obviously a lot of other people read it right? And I say yeah a lot of people do read it! And they say how many people? And then I say seventy people! And then they get all quiet and start looking around the room until they see someone else that they can talk to. Other people say try to get more followers! And I say okay! And then we say bye to each other but when I get home I realize I don't really know how to get more followers so I think to myself Julia you really should look into that and then I eat forty cookies and fall asleep on the couch.

So tonight I finally googled how to get more followers and everyone on the internet says I should do a blog giveaway where I make people subscribe to my blog and then one of them wins a prize and that way people will subscribe to my blog not because they really want to read it but because they want the prize and that's pretty much good enough. So, ladies and gentlemen, I am announcing my very own blog giveaway!
If you couldn't tell by the banner, this is NOT your mother's blog giveaway! This giveaway is raw, real, fierce, and extreme! There will be tears and there will be blood, but if you stick with it, all of your wildest dreams will come true!!

Okay...soooo, I'm doing a little more research here and I'm finding out that blog giveaways aren't really in the style of ancient gladiator battles? There's not really a fight-to-the-death part in all of this? I guess it's more just like a raffle or something. So instead of spending months training in spartan conditions, you just have to click my subscribe button and then you're just as likely to win as everyone else? Fun.

Anyway, the rules are: SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG BY JANUARY 31st AND YOU WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY ENTERED TO WIN ONE OF THE FOLLOWING PRIZES:

PRIZE ONE
An external hard drive!
This Toshiba has nearly a terabyte of space on which to store your data! I say "nearly" because I've taken up about 75 gigs with pictures of Ward, and I don't really think it's fair of you to ask me to take all of those off just so you can have a "pristine" hard drive like some wimpy princess. ALSO this part of the giveaway is more like a "loanaway" because I'll actually need this thing back (like I said, 75 gigs of pics). But you can still use it to, like, copy things onto and then take them back off! For a few days or so.

PRIZE TWO
Signed copy of Ulysses
by James Joyce
You can have your very own paperback copy of this classic signed by yours truly! Wait, you've never read Ulysses? What is it about, you say? What is it about? Well...let me answer your question with another question: have you ever read a book that spends several of its opening pages detailing the protagonist taking a huge dump? Have you ever read a book that made you bang your head against the wall with such frequency that you actually reduced your skull circumference by three-quarters of an inch?  Have you ever read a book that made you cry into your smuggled french fries at the BYU library while rereading the same paragraph fourteen times because it literally does not look/sound like English but OH IT IS ENGLISH BABY IT IS AS ENGLISH AS IT GETS AND EVERYONE ELSE IN CLASS SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON SO BUCK UP AND READ IT BY FRIDAY, YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF CRAP.

PRIZE THREE
A baby named Ward!
If you subscribe to my blog,  you could score your very own 18 month old! He is perfectly behaved and loves doing things like brush his teeth every day as long as he gets to play with the faucet and make faces at his handsome self in the mirror. Other things Ward does every day: eats, slaps me in the face, pulls the mouthwash out from under the sink and lugs it over to my nightstand (but he also hides my deodorant, so I'm really getting mixed signals about my hygiene). Ward can also--oh wait, here he is now! Ward, smile for all of the nice people who might win you in the blog giveaway!

What's that, baby boy? Oh, no, I can't open that can of diced tomatoes for you right now.
Oh, come on, Ward. You
wouldn't like them anyway.

They don't even taste good!
You're embarrassing mommy 
in front of all of these nice people!
Don't you think you're overreacting 
just a little? Hehe! Kids, right?
*angry whisper* Get a hold of yourself!
*sigh*

AND IF YOU SHARE THIS POST ON FACEBOOK, YOU WILL BE ENTERED TWICE TO WIN! THAT'S TRIPLE THE ODDS!

AND IF YOU PIN THIS TO PINTEREST YOU WILL GET ENTERED IN THREE TIMES! THAT'S ALSO TRIPLE THE ODDS! SOMEHOW...

AND IF YOU TWEET THIS, I DON'T REALLY THINK THAT COUNTS BUT YOU CAN STILL DO IT IF YOU WANT!

GOOD LUCK AND HAPPY HUNTING AND THIS MEANS I'M GOING TO BE RICH SOON RIGHT!

RIGHT...?

PLEASE SAY RIGHT...?

7 comments:

  1. Damn I really want to win this! Are you going to need the baby back or just the hard drive?! ;) love your blog

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  2. can I have that can of diced tomatoes.( They must be something else if Ward is so worked up over them)

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  3. Your blog is a breath of fresh air. I love it!

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  4. I'll enter your giveaway, but only if you offer a framed picture of Mikyn. Cuz, you know, she's just awesome. :)

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  5. If I win, I want the James Joyce book because you seem to be joking about giving away the external harddrive for keeps, as well as your child (I can only assume), so this prize sounds like the most promising, despite your dismal review of it.

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  6. I WILL TAKE THE CHILD....RAISE HIM AS ONE OF MY OWN, BUT I KNOW IT WILL TAKE A FEW YEARS TO DRIVE YOUR DAD'S INFLUENCE OUT OF HIM....UNLESS I EXORCISE HIM WARD HAS NO CHANCE TO BECOME A RENAISSANCE MAN. UNCLE C.

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  7. I took it upon myself to nominate you for an award (http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/best-family-kids-blog-the-homies-2013-183536) now now don't let it go to your head and do sponsored posts and outfits of the day and just photo dumps and all of a sudden okay?

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