Tuesday, February 5, 2013

On Moving, Decor, and Ungrateful Sloans

Good news: We moved into a house!

Bad news: We moved into a house!

This picture pretty much sums up the experience of moving:


I hate moving.

HATE IT.

H
A
T
E

I
T

But seriously who doesn't? And while everyone hates moving, I'd like to think we each have our very own special reason for hating it. For one person it may be the ominous task of deep-cleaning your old place while still hungover from getting your stuff outta there. For others, it's that big, awkward, fragile item that they dread transporting (that's how we feel whenever we have to take Mikyn anywhere). And some people just hate moving for all reasons ever.

I'll tell you what I hate the most about moving:

This.
This is a picture of the mantle in our new house. Do you know how long it took me to come up with this little setup? To painstakingly arrange fifteen vases of varying color and height on that ledge and take them all back down because it looked too forced then put up some owl figurines and roll my eyes because HELLO whimsy is so over so then try to balance empty frames on the ledge but they keep falling off because they're top heavy or maybe I should put goblets up there for some drama ugh just stick with the frames Julia they look okay you could do a lot better but those are okay for now.

TWO HOURS IT TOOK ME TWO HOURS GAAAAAAAAH!!!! *breaks picture frame over knee*

How much pressure do I put on myself to get in shape? Absolutely none.
How much pressure do I put on myself to save for retirement? Less than none.
How much pressure do I put on myself to sweep my kitchen floor? Y'all this kitchen is so big, sweeping would seriously take way too long it's not really worth it if you think about how time is money and everything.
And how much pressure do I put on myself to decorate my home? An ungodly amount. And for what reason? Why do I spend weeks wringing my hands and falling asleep on my laptop looking at design blogs? Do my guests care if I have mercury glass candlesticks? No. Does Sloan care if the bathroom towels are charcoal or slate? No. Does Ward need those navy chevron curtains? No...the only thing Ward cares about is finding the most dangerous object in a room with which to play, and then summoning the demons of hell to throw the most epic tantrum possible when I take it away (that's actually true, I read it in his journal). There just seem to be these little synapses firing in my brain working feverishly to send messages like MORE PILLOWS and GO GLAM HONEY and WHAT WOULD NATE BERKUS DO and HAVING A STYLISH HOME IS A PILLAR OF HUMAN HAPPINESS. And I can't control it! I mean, I AM controlling it by not spending $3,000 a month on bedding alone! Which brings me to another point: do I even get so much as a "thank you" for constantly saving this family from financial ruin by not buying lots of stuff? No siree! Nothing. Not even a little, "Thank you, Julia, for using all of the restraint you could muster to not get that $7,000 purple velvet fainting couch that we didn't have room for anyway." Nope. Never have heard that from my no-good toddler and ungrateful husband. But you know what? Today, I choose to empower myself. So even though they haven't been appreciating my sacrifices, I'll say it anyway: YOU'RE WELCOME BOYS. You're welcome for my cancelling that order of three accent rugs from Urban Outfitters that were headed for my precious rug stack in the garage! You're welcome for returning that set of twin-sized sheets to West Elm since we don't have a twin-sized bed even though they would've been totally cute on our future twin-sized bed because we'll obviously be getting one in like five years but WHATEVER I RETURNED THEM JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR PRECIOUS DEBT-FREE LIFESTYLE. *pant pant*

Whew! *heavy breathing* That was cathartic!

I feel great!

Let's go shopping!

6 comments:

  1. Love you Juju. I think you do a great job managing your household. And your decorating is magnificent. But I did notice you don't have any pictures in those frames. Kind of empty looking. Maybe a little forced. Definitely not symmetrical. Needs a little color - but magnificent.

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  2. ahh. Nice to see someone else feels this way. But now you are rethinking your visits to our home saying... "You REALLY care about home decor with that horrible scary bird painting up in your living room?" My response to you judging me is, my sugar picked it out. :)

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  3. ahh. Nice to know someone else feels this way.

    But stop rethinking your visits to our home questioning my sense of decor while remembering that scary bird painting in our living room. In my defense, my sugar picked it out and I lost that battle. Btw...It's from D.I.

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  4. ahh. Nice to see someone else feels this way. But now you are rethinking your visits to our home saying... "You REALLY care about home decor with that horrible scary bird painting up in your living room?" My response to you judging me is, my sugar picked it out. :)

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  5. You should create a vlog of your many adventures. It would be genius :)

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