Friday, March 29, 2013

THINGS ARE GREAT OVER HERE HAHA

Hello, World!  Gee whiz, life has been so fun with a two(ish)-year-old that I have hardly had time to blog! Ward (aka Mommy's Little Ray of Sunshine) and I have been all over the place! 

Where have we been? THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!!!!!!!!!
Ward is at that age all children get to when their parents think, "Why has anyone ever decided to ever have a kid ever in the entire history of mankind?" And I'm assuming that all parents get a sufficient answer later on, but for now, all I know is that two(ish)-year-olds are awful. So awful. Cute sometimes. But mostly awful.

Like most kids his age, Ward has figured out tantrums (probably from watching me try to fold a fitted sheet) and he utilizes them often. He throws them in public A LOT because he knows I can't ignore him for as long as I do when we're home. And since most of "public" isn't childproofed (understandably), I spend a lot of time stopping Ward from doing the things he wants after he has already started doing them (such as trying to drink from the wine bottles at Costco or opening bags of dog food with his teeth). What I'm trying to say is: Whenever I leave the house with my beloved son Edward Richard Rehder, within ten minutes I will have done/taken away something that really pisses him off. And that means it's game time.

First, there is the calm before the storm (I came up with that phrase on my own, something about hurricanes I think?) After making the rookie mistake of throwing himself on the hard ground a few times and actually getting hurt, Mr. Happypants now carefully and calmly lies down on the ground in preparation.
I'm pretty sure Ward also considers this a sort of probationary period for me, because he'll lie quietly on the ground until he's positive I'm not hurrying over to scoop him up and whisk him away to an enchanted land of glasses, remotes, knives, cell phones, and all other forbidden things over which he'll have sole dominion.

Once Ward sees that I have noticed him lying on the floor and I am not scrambling to get him whilst shouting "DON'T CRY EDWARD MOMMY WILL DO YOUR BIDDING SWEET DARLING," the tantrum commences.
His fits consist mostly kicking and banshee shrieks, although one time I'm pretty sure he actually yelled the word "ARGYLE!!" but I don't know what he was referring to.

At this point, he's disturbing enough people that I have to intervene. Typically there's one or two people standing near him looking bewildered, wondering where his mother is as I casually approach. Whenever I try to pick Ward up while he's in beast mode, he's wigglier than those girls dancing in rap videos and it's nearly impossible not to drop him (which I have only done once, and I felt really bad okay). And by the time I've secured him in my grasp, I've usually dropped something out of the diaper bag onto the floor. However, it's out of the question for me to possibly kneel and free up one of my arms to pick anything up, so unless it's my car keys, I just leave it. And THAT'S the long story of why I just bought my seventh pair of sunglasses this month!

Tantrums 24/7. Will things get better? Perhaps. But after seeing the way people like Chris Brown, Naomi Campbell, and Mikyn act well into their adult years, I don't have complete faith that this could be just a phase for Ward.

So...pray for us.

6 comments:

  1. Not sure Susie and I ever got that answer about the age thing. I'm starting to rethink this visit you have planned for next week too. Maybe we'll just see you this summer.

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  2. It does get better, I promise. In the meantime, keep entertaining yourself by taking pictures of the tantrums. It's all one can really do.

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  3. When we were at this age/stage with your brother, your older sister was due in one month! I was thinking how adorable he was about 9 mths before and how he needed a sibling. Now you know why you are 4 years younger than Laura! Love, Mom

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  4. The "terrible two's" start around 18 months and last....for a while. Eventually they start adding actual words into them "Don't want to ANY-MORE!!!" is a favorite of Aubrey's. Just think of all the calories you burn bending over and lifting him off the ground (SOME good has to come of it, right??) Keep the faith. Someday the crazy will return and you'll find yourself mysteriously wanting another baby!

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  5. Hilarious...yet chilling! I'm convinced that parents of older kids who tell you it gets easier are just trying to make us with little ones feel better so we can get through it.

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  6. I read this and thought "man, I'm so glad that my daughter doesn't throw tantrums". I kid you not, that week they started, and have just gotten more and more spectacular. This is still one of my favorite posts, ever, though.

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