Saturday, May 18, 2013

Mikyn and Doc

 

My sister-in-law Mikyn got engaged recently to her boyfriend Doc (like Holliday), and because I'm the glue that holds her emotional life together, I thought this would be a great time to dedicate a post to her. *ahem* Where do I start? Mikyn was the quintessential youngest child. She had a horse, cute clothes, a canopy bed, a car.

Did I mention cute clothes because DAWG look at that hat!

I think I can completely sum up Mikyn's charmed childhood by telling you that she owned 330 Beanie Babies. To put that into perspective, I myself, coming from a middle-upper class family, had seven Beanie Babies. SEVEN. And if given the chance, I probably would have traded the family car, our house, and/or my little sister for more of them, especially that tie-dyed bear because HOW DID THEY TIE DYE HIM LIKE THAT? But I don't really blame Mikyn for having everything a girl could ever want, for it is the rule of all youngest children: they get the coolest stuff, but they also get stuck at home all alone with their parents for a few years. And parents are whack, right kids? *put hat on backwards, throws gang sign*  Now who wants to go run amok and smoke some pot joints?

Mikyn just graduated from BYU with a degree in something that sounds super lame, I think it has to do with soil. Or pants? Either way, it took four years and cost thousands of dollars, those are the main things to remember about college. And I assume one of her professors must have taught that photobombing precious family moments was an essential life skill, because this has become a priority for her.


All I know is that BYU didn't teach her to appreciate her Julia's-in-law, because she still doesn't like it when I give her an atomic wedgie then hold her in a bear hug while shouting "SISTERSSSSS!" And that hurts me.

Another thing about Mikyn--WOW this is getting boring, so we'll get to the question on everyone's minds: How did she find someone to put a ring on it? It's a valid question to which there is no clear answer. Doc is tall, handsome, and friendly; all characteristics that would put him out of Mikyn's league. Yet...somehow...I guess I just don't know. This is another mystery to throw onto the pile along with who shot JR and how do they get animals to move their mouths like they're talking in all of the movies?

Anyway, Mikyn Rehder will be Mikyn Fullmer by the time September arrives, and soon enough she and Doc will start having statuesque, flaxen-haired babies. And not that it matters, and this is DEFINITELY not why I actually wanted to write this post in the first place but I just thought you guys should know that Mikyn isn't having me as a bridesmaid in her wedding. I mean, Doc's groomsmen are all six of his brothers but Mikyn's bridesmaids are six of her friends, of which I guess I'm not one. HAHA. But it's totally fine. I'm fine with it. I don't care. Seriously, I don't care, alright? No really, like, I don't care so much that it's scary. Soon I'll be on Dr. Phil plugging my book about how little I could care about being Mikyn's bridesmaid and Kanye West will be texting me nonstop for advice about not listening to the haters. But I'll tell you this: If I did care about being a bridesmaid (which I don't) I definitely wouldn't try to retaliate by planting fake rumors among her current FRIENDSMAIDS which would eventually turn them against one another and lead to an epic cat fight at the reception culminating in Mikyn being accidentally shoved into the pond amidst the scuffle while I stand by the dessert table eating a cannoli and shouting SHOULDA ASKED ME MIKYN while cabana boys fan me with palms leaves because seriously that scenario has never even crossed my mind.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Happy Mother's Day to My Baby

Mother's Day is a time to remember the best parts of motherhood. The clean rooms, the sweet kisses, the easy dinners, the cooperative grocery store trips. And for me, it's not hard to remember every one of those moments, because I think they all total about 3% of my parental experience.
When Ward walks up to me, earnestly tugs my hand to his mouth and puckers up, I make room in my mind to remember the sweet kiss he's about to give me. Then he actually just drools out a chewed-up cricket into my palm while making a face that says, "This dead bug doesn't taste like candy, so it's your problem now." This inevitably leads to the the familiar parental conundrum in a public setting if I'm lacking a tissue: "Why don't I see any trash cans? Should I just fling this into the bushes? Wipe it on the ground? YES LADY I SEE YOU WATCHING ME SO I WILL JUST HOLD ON TO IT I GUESS."

And sometimes my hard days with Ward turn into hard nights with Ward and then I put Ward to bed and I eat three Big Macs and it doesn't help as much as I thought it would because I just miss Ward even though he spent all day acting like a Ward. But that's all I want; I want Ward. I want to always be with him.

Ward, your mom loves you. In a few years when you forget what life was like hanging out as a baby with mom, these pictures will help you (and me) remember:

Your mom lends you 
her muumuus.
Your mom photographs your 
unconventional sleeping positions.
Your mom loves watching you 
savor sweet bread.
Your mom GETS THE HINT 
(and loves you anyway).
When you are playing, your mom 
stealthily dresses you so as 
not to disturb your fun.
Your mom forces you to perform 
stupid human tricks while 
riding in the elevator.
Your mom wants you to smile for JUST ONE picture.
Your mom lets you try on every hat in every store even though it takes FOREVER and you end up running out the door with one on and the alarms go off and things get awkward for everyone involved.
But most of all:
Your mom loves you.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

From Ward, with Love

Hello, friends, fans, and countrymen! After flying home from Memphis last week, Mother and I were ready for more adventures!!

So we packed up and drove to Provo with Dad! Here is what we did:

We danced!
We strolled!
We drank half and half!
...which we immediately regretted!
We peek-a-booed!
We pointed!
We failed to get Grandpa to look at 
the camera ONE FRIGGIN TIME
We cuddled!
We accessorized!
Grandma acted a fool!
Grandpa acted a fool!
And as always...
Mikyn was weird!