Saturday, May 18, 2013

Mikyn and Doc


My sister-in-law Mikyn got engaged recently to her boyfriend Doc (like Holliday), and because I'm the glue that holds her emotional life together, I thought this would be a great time to dedicate a post to her. *ahem* Where do I start? Mikyn was the quintessential youngest child. She had a horse, cute clothes, a canopy bed, a car.

Did I mention cute clothes because DAWG look at that hat!

I think I can completely sum up Mikyn's charmed childhood by telling you that she owned 330 Beanie Babies. To put that into perspective, I myself, coming from a middle-upper class family, had seven Beanie Babies. SEVEN. And if given the chance, I probably would have traded the family car, our house, and/or my little sister for more of them, especially that tie-dyed bear because HOW DID THEY TIE DYE HIM LIKE THAT? But I don't really blame Mikyn for having everything a girl could ever want, for it is the rule of all youngest children: they get the coolest stuff, but they also get stuck at home all alone with their parents for a few years. And parents are whack, right kids? *put hat on backwards, throws gang sign*  Now who wants to go run amok and smoke some pot joints?

Mikyn just graduated from BYU with a degree in something that sounds super lame, I think it has to do with soil. Or pants? Either way, it took four years and cost thousands of dollars, those are the main things to remember about college. And I assume one of her professors must have taught that photobombing precious family moments was an essential life skill, because this has become a priority for her.

All I know is that BYU didn't teach her to appreciate her Julia's-in-law, because she still doesn't like it when I give her an atomic wedgie then hold her in a bear hug while shouting "SISTERSSSSS!" And that hurts me.

Another thing about Mikyn--WOW this is getting boring, so we'll get to the question on everyone's minds: How did she find someone to put a ring on it? It's a valid question to which there is no clear answer. Doc is tall, handsome, and friendly; all characteristics that would put him out of Mikyn's league. Yet...somehow...I guess I just don't know. This is another mystery to throw onto the pile along with who shot JR and how do they get animals to move their mouths like they're talking in all of the movies?

Anyway, Mikyn Rehder will be Mikyn Fullmer by the time September arrives, and soon enough she and Doc will start having statuesque, flaxen-haired babies. And not that it matters, and this is DEFINITELY not why I actually wanted to write this post in the first place but I just thought you guys should know that Mikyn isn't having me as a bridesmaid in her wedding. I mean, Doc's groomsmen are all six of his brothers but Mikyn's bridesmaids are six of her friends, of which I guess I'm not one. HAHA. But it's totally fine. I'm fine with it. I don't care. Seriously, I don't care, alright? No really, like, I don't care so much that it's scary. Soon I'll be on Dr. Phil plugging my book about how little I could care about being Mikyn's bridesmaid and Kanye West will be texting me nonstop for advice about not listening to the haters. But I'll tell you this: If I did care about being a bridesmaid (which I don't) I definitely wouldn't try to retaliate by planting fake rumors among her current FRIENDSMAIDS which would eventually turn them against one another and lead to an epic cat fight at the reception culminating in Mikyn being accidentally shoved into the pond amidst the scuffle while I stand by the dessert table eating a cannoli and shouting SHOULDA ASKED ME MIKYN while cabana boys fan me with palms leaves because seriously that scenario has never even crossed my mind.


  1. Poor Mikyn. Probably keeping the competition at a distance (you, Regen, and Missy). I'm sure she knows, too, just how terribly shy (Ahh Heemmm) you are in a crowd and that Ward cannot share you yet. Shoulders back, chin up, and be, Mom

  2. This might be your best entry yet!

  3. This is funny. Straight up- funny!