Thursday, August 15, 2013

A Tiny Person Emerges

I have two handsome, intelligent, and serious men in my life. They are so much alike; so introspective, so dignified.

I also have Sloan and Ward in my life.
Wait, you thought I was referring to Sloan and Ward at the beginning? HA! HAAAAAAAAAA HA! No no no no no not THEM! I was talking about my dad and father-in-law! They were the two men I was talking about. HA! And ya know what? That's actually a joke, too, because my dad and father-in-law are a couple of chuckle heads!  HAHAHAHA WHEW! *wipes eyes* Oh man, I gotta catch my breath! Handsome, intelligent, and serious?! Those guys?!?!?!? You got 'em good, Julia!

All (super funny) joking aside, I really miss Sloan right now because he has been dealing with finals which means he's running around the house flipping open books, talking to himself, and generally acting insane like Doc Brown from Back to the Future. And since Sloan's going all YOLO on his finals (Did I use that right? I feel like I didn't use it right) I'm the only parent taking care of Ward most of the time. GREAT. It's bad enough that I'm not the one to bear the entire financial responsibility of our family by attending dental school, but now I have to spend all of my time with a happy, smart, healthy baby who I love more than anything? NOT COOL, UNIVERSE. And you can believe me when I say my life sucks because I'm not here to sugarcoat things...unless I'm about to eat those things...because then, yes, I will sugarcoat things.

Ward is getting stranger by the day, which for the most part is cute. However...everything is a constant guessing game because he's caught in this sort of baby purgatory where he's old enough to have specific desires and opinions, but he's still way too young to effectively communicate those desires and opinions. Every time he gets upset, I'm running all over the place like on Supermarket Sweep and grabbing any old thing to offer to him, and if that's not what he wants he gets angrier so I just fling it behind my head and go for the next closest item because IS IT THE FIRETRUCK DO YOU WANT THE FIRETRUCK HOW ABOUT THE RACE CAR WHY ARE YOU POINTING AT THE FRIDGE OH YOU WANT A POPSICLE! NOT THE GREEN ONE? MKAY WHAT COLOR?  RED? YOU WANT RED? NO? YOU CAN JUST HAVE THEM ALL PLEASE MAKE THE SCREAMING STOP. This happens probably thirty times a day.

And there are things that I do to/for/with Ward every day and HAVE done every day of his life that he still fights. One of those things is cleaning off his face.
Sometimes it's just a runny nose. Other times it's...mascara. No matter what it is, if Ward senses I'm about to wipe his face, he acts like a cat that just got tossed into a kiddie pool. The key is surprise. If I want any chance of keeping Ward still long enough to drag a wet paper towel across his crusty face, I have to sneak up behind him and attack like a kidnapper chloroforming their victim. This (also) happens about thirty times a day.

As annoying as it is for Ward to fight me like a chimp whenever I'm trying to wipe refried beans off his forehead, it's somewhat understandable. I'm violating his personal space and that's annoying. There are other things, though, that I don't understand. Like how he insists on wearing his pool floaty while we play inside.

Or how he sleeps with his feet on the wall.

I don't understand why he can't keep his diaper on for more than ten minutes.

Or why he shoves pancakes into our water bottles.

I don't get why he intentionally pours out his drinks, then cries about it.
(And no one understands why he
wears that stupid hat.)

I DO, however, understand his desire to pull as many donuts out of the case at Walmart and eat them before the store employees notice.

I think we all understand that one.


  1. oh I just laughed so hard! I think because Cole is at this same age and he drives me nuts most of the time!! I have a feeling they would get along great :)

  2. While on vacation this summer I took Ward to Kroger in McMinnville to get some stuff, I'm looking for some loaves of bread and notice he is eating a cinnamon roll. I chase him down take it away, he screams, I give it back, I ask where he got it and he leads me to an open package of buns that someone had opened, because he could not have done it,and they had eaten one and put it back on the shelve. Of course he found it right away and helped himself. Susie had to inform a store employee without letting me have one also.