Don't these people KNOW WHO I AM? I spent forty minutes on this! GIVE ME SOME MONEY AND PRINT MY STUFF.
Still no? Well, okay...no, no it's not a big deal. I appreciate your time. You have a really nice office *picks up picture frame* Are these your children? They're really beautiful. What a beautiful family. So, you're still sure that this article isn't a good fit? Okay, I totally understand. No need to explain! Different strokes for different--*jumps up, swipes papers off of desk, runs out door* Ha! Sucker!!! I DON'T NEED YOUR CRAPPY ONLINE MAGAZINE! I'll just post it on my blog, which has ONE HUNDRED FOLLOWERS!
TEN THINGS WOMEN SHOULD STOP DOING (BUT PROBABLY WON'T)
By Julia RehderNote: Before you read this, you should know that as an average American woman myself, I also do all of these things. And I, too, should stop doing them (but probably won't).
Another Note: If you recognize some of this content, it's because I plagiarized it from a previous blog post of mine, which actually means it's not plagiarism but nice try J. Edgar Hoover.
1. Stop Idolizing Marilyn Monroe (for the wrong reasons)
2. Stop Shaving Your Armpits
3. Stop Thinking Men Notice Your Clothes and/or Makeup
4. Stop Not Considering Work in the Software Industry
5. Stop Taking Thirty Years to Back Out of A Parking Spot
6. Stop Underestimating Your Physical Strength
7. Stop Hating Sluts
8. Stop Assuming You Can't Be Funny
9. Stop Wearing Heels
10. Stop Looking at Entertainers for Anything Besides Entertainment
And that's the end of my list! Man, this will probably get so many hits that those yahoos over at Aunt Janet's Sewing Tips Blog will be kicking themselves over my rejection! REVENGE IS SWEET AND IS ALSO A DISH BEST SERVED COLD.