Monday, September 30, 2013

Bubba the Strollerboy!

I bought my baby a stroller a couple of weeks ago. Sloan was all like, "You're just doing this to impress your hipster friends because it's cool to reject gender roles now," and I was all like, "Rejecting gender roles? What? I'm just buying a stroller," even though Sloan is actually 300% right about my motives (I can admit that on here because Sloan doesn't read my blog. Heck, I'm not sure he even knows it exists...or that I exist...or that we're married, considering I've never actually met Sloan, I've just created our marital relationship through this blog using stolen photos of his little family and photoshopping my face onto his real wife's body. WHAT JUST KIDDING HA GUYS please don't call the police I can't go back there again.)

To say that Ward likes his stroller is an understatement.
To say that he loves it is an understatement.
To say he would rather see me thrown out of an airplane than that stroller is, also, an understatement.

The stroller goes pretty much everywhere Ward goes...except for church because I have to draw the line somewhere. Like every other kid, Ward needs to learn that going to church is about being bored, and if I don't teach him that now then later on in life he'll end up swingin around naked on wrecking balls or twerking on TV like that Wiley Cyprus character, and I don't like her behavior one bit.

It doesn't interest Edward to actually put a 'baby' in his stroller. I've tried sticking dolls in there, but he gets annoyed and throws them on the ground with this sort of "who the HELL put this in here??" attitude. I'm slowly figuring out it's because he essentially thinks of his stroller as a portable chair, so of course he doesn't want to put anything in it...then he wouldn't be able to sit in it, and that would defeat the whole purpose of schlepping it around in the first place.
And, I guess, any extra cargo would also hinder his offroading capabilities.
And that's important to him.

Friday, September 6, 2013

I'm Back and Better Than EVER!

I haven't posted in a while because I've just been lazy. And because we went to Seattle!
Seattle! The Jewel of the Northwest! The Emerald City! The Coffee Capital of the World! That Place Where a One Bedroom Basement Apartment Costs Three Million Dollars a Month (plus utilities)! Seattle!

If you've spent this past month lying on your bedroom floor, slowly losing consciousness as you constantly refresh my blog's homepage awaiting a new post, I apologize. If you haven't been doing that, but have instead continued to live your life in a normal manner whilst occasionally checking my blog for an update, I hate you. And for everyone else who just DOESN'T read my blog at all, I am going to hunt you down and make you pay, so help me. Yes, you will spend the rest of your life in fear, always looking over your shoulder, and one of the times that you do, I'll be there. (But since you won't even know to be scared because you're [obviously] not reading this, I've been super busy printing and mailing out flyers to you and the other 6,999,999,897 people on Earth who aren't currently followers. Also, I've been getting a lot of questions about who this threat applies to so let me just say that there are NO EXCUSES for not reading my blog, so I don't wanna hear about how you don't have a computer/can't speak English/are an infant! Geez, people these days don't take any responsibility, which is exactly what happens when everyone gets a trophy as a kid! And soda pop! It's all that damn soda pop!

Soooo we went to Seattle to be with the family as they finally sealed the deal with Doc to go ahead and take Mikyn off of our hands. It was all little shaky, but once we heard the I do's, Rehders across the world let out a sigh of relief. Have fun with that, Fullmers! *rubbing hands together, mischevious laugh*

The wedding was lovely, which was not a good thing since none of us know how to act fancy. Case in point, this is how Sloan gets Ward dressed for church:
It makes more sense when you know that
we're members of the congregation
at Chippendales Presbyterian.
But we somehow muddled through without being too low-class!
[via]
In fact, not only did Ed wear clothes, but he wore a suit! Which is pretty good considering he typically keeps his shirts open and tied at the bottom like a cranky version of the Chiquita banana lady.
Now, there's something that happened while on our trip that I want to address right now. You might have heard rumors, there may have been some whisperings about town, so let me set everything straight. It is true that I was approached by a one hundred pound teenage boy hunky man while I was buying Cheetos on the ferry. He said, "You're really beautiful, you know that?" To which I (confused and hard of hearing) replied, "Cheetos!" and walked away before realizing what he'd actually said to me. I rushed back to thank him, but by he was already gone. Was he a ghost? Was he a magician? What he a mega-rich playboy who had seen my face and right then decided to love me and only me until the day he died, then realizing his love unrequited, decided to jump overboard to silence the roaring agony of his heartbreak? No one can know for sure (except for me: it was the third one).

*sigh* So there, you've heard it from me directly. Hopefully that will quell the constant inquiries my family has been receiving. They've been supportive.

But enough about me! Here are some pictures from our trip!!

Ward doing an impression of Mikyn.

Me doing an impression of me.

Ward and Ed doing impressions
of each other.
Sloan doing an impression
of...a jolly lumberjack?
Ward not really caring about what 
the word impression means.